New trying to DB-Help!

[jlove]

How to begin...been with W for 22 yrs, lived together since she just started college at 18. Married when she was 25, I'm 4 yrs older. We have a D (14), and 2 S's (9,8). She has been LD even since kids, but used to be very active. She orgasms when we ML and likes it, but tells me she doesn't. We started with no $ at beginning of marriage and thru my career used to have a very comfortable lifestyle,but that has been gone for the last 5 yrs. She has never really cared about $, and still says she doesn't, but I don't know what to believe about anything anymore!
So, a few months ago, she started coming home very late, often drunk, and I got suspicious. She works nights, and often very late too, so that part was sort of normal, but not as late as she was getting in. I asked her if their was another man, but she always denied. Turns out she was having a EA (says they never had sex) with a separated man very well off $ wise and younger. She came home very, very late one night and the next day I checked her phone and I discovered the affair. They had been texting almost daily for about 3 weeks, so I think the EA was new, but she's known him for a long time as he's in her business often. Anyway, she admitted it all, blew up and said she wanted to separate, but couldn't now then calmed down and said we'd do MC. She said it was over, and told me OM had been cheated on by his W who he is divorcing and said he told himself he'd never be that man! Anyway, I forgave her and thought we were moving on. We ML about 1 per week, was was move than usual and were patching things up, or so I thought, though she never wanted to do MC. Said she felt bad, etc (we are religious). Anyway, last weekend she didn't come home, it was after 2 am and I couldn't reach her phone, but I found her in a bar at 3 am talking to OM. I got her and we went home, but I blew up in the parking lot and told her I was confronting him to stay away from my wife. I didn't, but when we got home, she told me she was leaving and yes, it was over with him, as he wasn't going to get involved with her because she was married and they were just friends and she had been hanging out with her other friends who were also there not really taking to him all night. I don't believe that, but don't know. Anyway, at this time, she cannot move, but says she has to get out as soon as she can, and she never should have married me (15 yrs ago), hasn't loved me for many years, and cannot stand to even be touched by me (hasn't for years) and her being out late and everything else is a symptom of that. We ML just 3 days prior to that and she orgasmed and enjoyed it??? Anyway, I begged her to stay, and was clingy as I had been ever since the affair was 1st discovered, and she told me she needs space. 2 days ago, I found DB and am using the technique. We haven't touched or kissed in 3 days, but we sleep in same bed, share routines, etc. I haven't told her I love her, etc in the last 2 days. she gave a peck on the cheek today as she was going to work, and that's the most.
I love her and want to get the love back, but she says she cannot and has never wanted to be with me, so we both deserve better, etc. She admits being selfish here, and says it will be better for our kids to be around parents that show love (but not if I am the H). So, she is wanting to move out, and share custody by the week, but cannot financially at this time. we are barely getting by financially as is together. She says it's been going on for years, but just now is too much. Says it's nothing to do with OM either and he's not waiting for her to D. She turns 40 in 1 month, so there's a lot at play here, I know. Any advice is appreciated as I've rambled on for long enough now. Thanks