waiting for the tides to change

[BFloat]

Thanks KG for your thoughtful post.

I try to hug and kiss the kids whenever i get the chance. I tell them I love them so so so much! A million gazillion trillion as S5 would put it.

H is really missing out. In the past, I would always be the one to remind him to call so and so.. Oh, she got engaged, maybe you should send her an email... Now I see H pulling away further.. He use to txt everyday but that has stopped. I think about the fact that one day, he will look back and see all that he's missed and regret the time he's missed w/ them. But it's not my job to worry about that.. And yet I do.

I responded to H's email saying that the finances had me stressed for quite some time now. I realized now it put a strain on our relationship and in hindsight I wished we had dealt with it sooner.

In his email he said he wanted good things for the kids and was worried about their well being. I chose not to mention S's meltdown. Figured he would think I was trying to guilt him. I just said, "as for the kids well being, I don't feel there is anything to say. I love them. I know you do too.". Then I finished response by saying friday didn't work for me as it is family literacy day at school and so I will be there (he was hoping to speak w/ bank on fri)

I didn't sign it love.. Or take care.. Or anything else. Simply an initial.

I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. It's still hard to believe that I'm here.