3rd Strike all I can tell you is I am right there with you, almost to the day. I feel your pain. It is crushing, as you say, to be on the yo-yo, not knowing where the S is coming from one day to the next. I'll go from out and out sobbing to "OK, I can go on without her" in a matter of hours. But the key is to go on, to lean on whomever you can (other than S of course) to get you through the day, to get some meds to help with the anxiety and depression (yours, not hers) and to follow that awesome list posted above. I'm too early into this to know for sure what works and what doesn't (just separated on the 15th) but I know with absolute certainty what doesn't work and that is knock down drag out fighting, begging, pleading about the good times, interrogating about her activities with her "friend," spying on her, etc., etc. I've done some hard things in my life and survived some terrible situations and this is by far and away the hardest. Just thinking of the impact on my kids is enough to drive me over the edge. But, sometimes hope is right in front of you, you just have to see it.
I'll give you an example: Last night I decided to start re-reading my journal entries that I've been making for about a month. Back on the 8th I wrote 3 things that would demonstrate to me that my wife was at least interested in working on the marriage to some degree (which was not in the cards AT ALL on the 1st of the year). They were: 1) she would suggest that we go to counseling together during the separation, 2) she would suggest that we go out someplace together sometime, and 3) she would bring up a long planned vacation in June and suggest/imply/something that we keep our plans to go.
As I read this, after a day during which I had a crying breakdown in the car so bad I had to pull over, it hit me like a lightening bolt: She is batting a 1000 on my goal list, and I'd just been too focused on the big picture and the mess my life feels like right now to see it.
We each have to keep trying, keep setting small manageable goals, sticking to the DB behaviors and avoiding the stuff that will set us back, and most of all have patience, patience and more patience. Will it work? I have no idea, but what other option is there?
