Thanks Rick. I have no problem being cool in front of her. Concerns me because I believe that has done more harm than good over the past eight weeks. Just want to crawl under a rock for a couple of months right now.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
can your L delay it? If you have no L, that's insane..get one...enough said.
If not - then show up and tell her just in case she doesn't know --that you "really do NOT want a divorce. She's the love of your life and you have changed and know things could be good again and you want to be the h she deserves."
I don't see what you have to lose at this point...
If she persists, it's still "not over." I have 2 family members who divorced and remarried a few years later. It happens.
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm with 25, here. You are going to the courthouse why? Because your W asked you to? Is your L going? Have you seen all the paperwork, reviewed it, negotiated it...
Sorry, I have to refresh myself but, "I'm sorry, I can't make it tomorrow" is an acceptable answer...
I met with the W this morning. The idea was to sign and notorize the papers after which point they would be dropped at the court house to fester for the requisite 60 days.
Turns out the bank cannot notorize the documents. She has asked that we try again tomorrow at the court house. I just emailed her back letting her no, I will not meet with her again this week.
I did not want this. I can't really explain how I am feeling right now here at my work desk. Thank God for Prozak otherwise I would be a quivering mess.
On the way to the bank I did stop and talk to the wife. I told her how sorry I was for all the pain I have caused over the years. I also gave her a letter I wrote last night. She thanked me for the letter and said she understands me much more now and wishes I had shared those thoughts years ago, however its too late. She also told me she has wanted to leave for over a year and that she has been keeping a journal for the past ten years. In it she recorded all the "messed - up" stuff I did (her words). She made a big point to say several times: IT IS OVER!! Move on and deal with it.
The LRT. She also mentioned that I ignored her for the last several weeks and that shows I do not care. Sh!t! Just cant seem to catch a break here.
Well, she is gone. Next step is to GAL and forget about her. This really hurts. Its interesting, I spent time in the military and over 20 years with the National Park Service now. During my career I have had people die on me during search and rescue and medical calls. Having somebody slip away right in front of you is not nearly as painful as my current situation. I want to DB and keep hope alive, but I saw her eyes today. She means it. I have truly lost her and it is killing me all over again.
Ray
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Another reprise! Good for you, Mnky! And good for you in letting her know you might be available next week to try again... maybe thursday or friday, perhaps...?
She is still spewing at you. Of course, in her mind it is over and she might think you are stonewalling... of course, the truth is, you have a life and are not going to stop your life for this one, inconsequential thing that should be done properly and with due diligence... right...? Because you have BOTH your and your W's best interest in mind... again, right...?
She will get what she wants when it happens. Jesh... she could probably learn a bit of patience. What's the rush... it's just a document and doesn't affect her living her own life, does it?
Curious... she's been keeping a score card, has she? For the past ten years...!!!!!??? Wow... Did you know this about your W? Not the journal, but that she lived such a conditional life with tit-for-tat expectations?
You won't catch a break, Mnky. Script, script, and more script... of COURSE things would be great if she didn't have all those valid records of the times you screwed up... (talk about holding grudges) and OF COURSE she would be nice and considerate if you hadn't been all distant on her these past couple weeks (although in her journal, I'm sure it shows exactly when including specific dates and times, her thoughts on why, and how long) she might even consider R with you... tsk, tsk, Mnky...
ok, sarcasm aside, go GAL and take really good care of yourself for the next couple days. And stick to LRT. Cause hey... guess what...? She's noticing...
Thanks Kaffe. I must admit I have taken so much from Crimson's inspiring record here. My W is not as close to R as his wife though.
BTW - she has a pretty rightous reason to hold a grudge or two. I was a real sh!t at times. But a journal, come on!? Just wish I had thought of that...d'oh!
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
I'll tell you this though, Mnky - check my older threads. She started the exact same way - "It's over! I'm done! I have no feelings towards you or this marriage and there is nothing you can do to change my mind!". Granted, I am by NO MEANS out of the woods yet....long way from it, and the ball could still bounce either way for me. It is plainly clear that my W is working through some confusion and a healthy dose of anger, and there is little that I can do right now other that let her process it while I try to stay on course and not backslide.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay busy. Do yourself a favor and say "yes" to everything that is offered to you by anyone - even if you don't think you have any interest in it.I still miss my W, but being around other people, new people and old friends helped me feel "normal" again....well, that and a tasty combo-platter of Prozac and Klonopin - but that is another story.
Funny, but my W said in MC last night that after she moved out it was as if I stopped caring and that it only validated her decision to leave. All along I was doing LRT - I cared A LOT but was trying to give her enough space to live her life and assert her independence. NEVER would have guess she read it as me not giving a sh*t about her.
But seriously, listen to KD an others - go work on GAL. It sounds like BS, but you really WILL feel better.
check my older threads. She started the exact same way - "It's over! I'm done! I have no feelings towards you or this marriage and there is nothing you can do to change my mind!". Granted, I am by NO MEANS out of the woods yet....
Yes, classic, spewing, script... we all got it... and yes, Crimson could get more, yet.
Anger plays a huge part in the WAS process, it seems. They NEED to be (more) angry (and less sad) at us in order to justify their leaving. It's quite possibly part of a protective instinct in all of us. Just more important for the WAS because underneath it all, they are probably emotionally dying having to make the choice to leave.
Originally Posted By: Crimson
It is plainly clear that my W is working through some confusion and a healthy dose of anger,
...
Funny, but my W said in MC last night that after she moved out it was as if I stopped caring and that it only validated her decision to leave. All along I was doing LRT - I cared A LOT but was trying to give her enough space to live her life and assert her independence. NEVER would have guess she read it as me not giving a sh*t about her.
Very important... re-read and re-interpret the stuff in bold...
Most LBS say how they worry about doing LRT because the WAS will interpret that as they don't care...
Look at that, the proof is in the pudding, the LBS shouldn't do LRT, right...? WRONG... LRT WORKS
The reason is, if we keep clinging and begging and if we pursue the WAS, they just get mad at us and push us further away...
When we do an LRT, the get mad... BUT THEY NOTICE... and then, they question their decision... Crimson's W said that it validated her reasons for leaving... when the reality was, once Crimson followed up with some GAL and LRT, his W wasn't quite sure... otherwise, the letter (or any form of an LBS reconnecting with their WAS, more often performed in a less direct, pursuing way as writing a letter) would not have had the effect of his W stopping dead in her tracks with the D process...
DBing works. Trust it... but more so, trust yourself...
