It's the Land of Bazarro at my house. My husband came in this morning to kiss me goodbye. He's pretty much kept this up the whole time since he told me he wanted out, and since I've known about the affair. But - he's only kissed me on the cheek. Well this morning, it was a peck on the lips. Not reading anything into it, although my body did have an inward reaction. One of my Love Languages is physical touch, and after not ML for months on end, my body is starting to betray me. LOL
I did backslide a little and told him that I still loved him even if he doesn't love me in return. (I know, I know!) He then hugged me fiercely, said he loved me too, and left. He had this strange look on his face (somewhere between being perplexed and in pain). I asked him what the look was for. No answer. But he didn't get upset or anything. Not outwardly anyway.
So I know I shouldn't have said what I said, but GEEZ. I've been holding that in for days. Coming from where we used to hug and kiss all the time (granted it's been a while for that too), it's eating me alive that we aren't doing it now. It was as if I couldn't help myself.
I fell asleep for a couple of hours last night then woke up around 1am thinking just how stupid this whole thing is. He's on the couch and I'm in the bedroom. Neither one of us is asleep, but doesn't want the other person to know. He got up to use the restroom and turn out the lights, that's how I woke up. LOL
We laugh, we joke, we watch TV, then go to bed in separate rooms. SMH It's just too crazy to me! I know the issues are bigger than that, but last night I realized how we really let our marriage fall by the wayside, and literally waved as it fell over the cliff. And now, here we are. I'm cynical today.
