Thanks 25, KD and others - I am exclusively on this thread now (when moderated, my posts wouldn't show up for days so wouldn't get seen by this active thread, so tried a different one).

My 180s are: (i) not pursuing and (ii)being calm and not getting excited (W used to think I had a short fuse)

GAL activities are: (i) work out more (ii) hang out with friends and family (iii) focus on work more (not really a life, but needs to be focused on more than it has been)

When W said "I'd never do that", I didn't quite validate but just acknowledged it and didn't try to say I would or anything like that.

The thing that really stinks is that in November before she went on a trip, she told me "it's not like I can just move in and everything will be fine", and I said something like "why not?" instead of validating.

At this point forward I want to DB to the book, as I haven't done very well with it in the past. In fact, before I went dark in early December, I sent her a note effectively telling her in a punitive manner, saying "fine, if you don't want to talk, then I don't think it makes sense to see each other ever again"...thought that would give her a wake-up call at the time, but now realize how dumb that was.

She sent me a text yesterday about something related to the condo and made a slight joke with a smiley face on it, but I know that doesn't mean anything because she's likely just trying to stay on good terms through this process. She actually even said she'd like to remain friends when this is said and done and I told her in no uncertain terms that it would be impossible.

I think my biggest issue is trying to show her changes without pursuing since there are no children involved and therefore not a reason to see each other. The only communication we have is regarding logistics around D, and that hardly seems like a place to talk about things I've started to figure out.

We still need to visit our safe deposit box to split up our assets in there and think that will occur within the next week or so, so hopefully that is an opportunity.