I just had to make that decision and let my wife know I was onto her.
My WAW has already filed for divorce, I signed, and it's tied up in the legal system. A few weeks ago when my wife tried to clue me into her affair the last time, that she didn't want to lie to me or hurt me anymore. I gently let her know I had known about her and the OM for a while and that she didn't need to lie, and I wished her well with the "love of her life". I also wrote him an email and told him to basically take good care of her and see her through these hard times. I already knew the faster they got together the faster it would end as soon as I stopped being her emotional support.
Well since then she took off with the affair and they moved in together or closer to each other. She has tried to make me jealous over him to support the taboo on more than one occasion, but since that didn't work and I was un affected she stopped. She stopped calling me ever since I exposed her, but we do still keep in touch twice a week and I'm taking baby steps towards talking to her again. I am already seeing signs from her that the affair isn't going so well since he's grown controlling over her wanting to talk to me.
The point I'm trying to make is that the affair will go on no matter what you do. You have a better chance of her ending it faster now if you resist all questions and concerns about the OM no matter how hurt you are and pull back. If she wants a divorce I say give it to her and divorce in the friendliest way possible so she can't hold any contempt towards you and admire him for this. The odds are stacked against her affair but honestly it's looking worse for him in a rebound affair after marriage and taking on the bulk of her emotional guilt.
Agreeing to my W's D was the hardest thing I ever had to do but she ended up agreeing to pay for it 100% and we signed it hand in hand. We had better dates in the days that follow because we were starting over as friends. And you can begin as friends, you can LRT and slowly take those baby steps to get her back. But only if you give her enough space to see that this A and this guy isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're not around to supply what's missing.
