WHG: Chasing that rabbit with the pocketwatch

[workinghardguy]

Really emotional last night... we ate dinner as a family. We were having fun, all of us together. I finally had to get up and go upstairs for a little bit to collect myself. Just seeing what I'm going to be missing hurts so much.

W was in a panic yesterday, asking if we had money to payoff some medical collections so she could get her loan. My guilt kicked in that I let those collections happen so I said yes, we can find it. Stupid me. It wasn't until today that I realized they are collections from back when she was with her XH. I never asked, then again she never offered. But they're paid so that can't be undone.

The minute things don't go sweetly for her she just gets mean. Last night she asked me about the 401k form. I told her that my plan won't provide me with one so either we need a lawyer to draft it or draft it ourselves and hope it's right. She didn't like that answer. Then she arranged for the kids to see the new rental house at the same time S is supposed to be weighing in for his wrestling tournament. We had discussed the tournament the night before. I told her that I was taking S to the tournament and since she will have the house key she can certainly show him the house some time over the weekend. She was also pretty mad because she wants to buy a new cellphone. The deal she found she wasn't eligible for so the phone was $200 instead of $100. She texted me multiple times during my GAL last night complaining about it. I ignored them.

So that's the negatives... SS and SD were at each other something fierce last night. My W tried to deal with it but had little success. In the past I would've stepped in and fixed it, but not last night. I just kept doing my thing. Finally W sat them both down and had a discussion about how they needed to treat each other. Afterwards she comes up to me and says, "I just don't know what's eating at them right now!" "Just stressful for everyone I think" was my response.

I got home from my GAL and W was still up. She actually asked me how it went... the first time she's done that in six months. She also asked me if I would be willing to take SS to my volunteer youth group this weekend. That SS talked to her tonight that he still wants to join. I was glad it came up... I'd been trying to figure out how to start that convo with both SS and W. Thankfully some young man called last night out of the blue looking for info about the program which jumpstarted the convo between W and SS. W and I discussed it... I'm hoping SS likes it enough to stay with it. It would be something he and I can really bond over and I think the program would be fantastic for him.

Two other positives that I thought were nice... Monday while I was home from the snow I baked a bunch of stuff. Yes, not the most manly of things but I really like baking and I'm pretty darn good at it. My W and I have always disagreed about my baking. She's never been willing to say I'm good at it, and I've always felt it's because she's not and didn't want to admit I was. A pretty minor thing, but something that has always bugged me and she knows it.

So last night she's having one of these oatmeal bars I made. She puts them up high so the kids can't get them, and then turns to me and says, "I told the kids... you know what? Dad is definitely a way better baker than mommy. Everytime he bakes something it's just delicious." So I'm not going to jump up and down over that, but I saw it as a positive. I simply said thank you and that I appreciated the compliment.

Then this morning I stopped at the bank to deposit money to cover the collection payoffs (since they'd already been made). One of my 180s has been to better communicate with my W when something is taken care of that she asked me to do and I know is important to her. If I don't she sits and worries and wonders if it's been done. It used to bug me that she didn't trust me so I wouldn't tell her as a passive/aggressive tool to get back at her lack of trust. After all this I just see that she has trust issues... not with me necessarily, just with everyone. So a 180 has been to send her a simple "fyi" text that X task is done. Usually there's no reply. This morning I got, "Thank you. You clearly know my quirks ;)"

Again, not earth-shattering but baby steps. Tonight I have a GAL with a new Meetup group of 20 and 30 somethings. I haven't even told W about it. I figure eventually the kids will tell my W that grandma came over to watch them, and that's how I want it. And then GAL pretty much every night for the rest of the week and weekend.