I'm sorry about your situation BL but you are not alone. I would not confront the OM, that will likely just unify the two of them to push against you even further.
I want to further add to this that domestic violence is not just limited to spousal abuse, but also to situations where others are involved, whether it be friends, family, or OM/OW. Confrontation can be very dangerous, even deadly.
I come from a small community (less that 6000 people in a 40 mile radius) and there have been domestic murders, including that of a W who was unfaithful by her H. "Accidental" (the H was trying to break into the house by shooting out the door with a shot gun) as it may have been, it devastated and split not just the family, but the community.
The OP is a symptom. It doesn't feel good and it doesn't make either the affair spouse nor the OP "right", but it is a symptom. There is something else to be "fixed" rather than "fixing" the A by bandaging it with confrontation.
