Thank you for the insight SAIS, and for posting my original thread Oneeleven. I suppose the name that I set up for myself initially gives you some insight on how I perceived my situation at the beginning. I have since realized it wasn't "BadLuck" that got me to this point, but me ignoring the signs of unhappiness.
I have been engaging in GAL activities such as going to the gym more often, hanging out with friends and family. I feel a little bad for W, since all of our college friends whom we used to hang out with don't really call her anymore since I was closer to them.
My 180s include: Not pursuing (I did a lot of this early on) and being calm and soothing (she thought I had an anger issue previously).
My issue is that since we don't have any kids, it is very hard to show her my changes, so early on I would pursue to ask her to meet up for coffee or find some excuse to talk about paperwork to see if she'd notice my changes. She lives only a few blocks from me (I live in an urban area) in another apt. building. and have only run into her twice and just exchanged brief pleasantries, nothing more.
I completely understand 25's posts, and have been reading a lot of people's situations (including yours) to get pointers, but without kids I almost feel like I need to pursue to some extent, otherwise this process will just move forward and I will be D'd in a month. If I try to stall, W accuses me of delaying, but I am only trying to buy time so I can have enough opportunities to show changes.
Regarding "be right or be happy", the only reason I would want to bring up OM is that throughout this whole process, while I know that I have contributed to pushing her to this and that she is not the type of person that I ever thought would go to an OM (not that anyone would think their W is), I just felt like maybe bringing up that I would know who it is might shake things up a bit for her slightly throwing a wrench into her fog of just thinking that she can pretend she just met him and they started dating, and force her to actually open up about what led her to this so that I can then validate and listen. In fact, what bothers me most is she talks about a couple friends that may help set her up after this is done as if there is no OM.
As it stands, she still brings up things I didn't do (help with cooking, help fold laundry, etc.), and while I recognize this, I feel like we are just ignoring an 800 lb. elephant which, when out in the open, might help put us on the path to some closure one way or another.
I certainly don't aim to just "be right", but as a last resort (outside of the DR LRT), I am wondering if just bringing this up in a way that I take responsibility (certainly not to shame or throw in her face), might help lift a weight off of what she is hiding and may break up the current trajectory.
Also, if anyone has any thoughts on how I can show changes as we have no reason to see each other (i.e., kids) without pursuing, I would be greatly appreciative.
