My Sitch/any better ideas than going dark?

[Broken74]

Another night of night sweats that have been a common occurrance since she and I physically separated. Not every night but more often than not. I know it's not medical because it never happened prior to our separation, and over the past months when we spent the night together it didn't happen, and even on days when we had productive/pleasant interactions it didn't happen.

She's still on a business trip but I haven't heard a peep from her. During our last conversation I had asked her to let me know that she got there safely and got the "I'm a grown woman I'll be fine" response.

I feel like I need to vent but I also feel like continuing to come here, reading and trying to comment on other people's situations is making me dwell on this even more. I look at other people's situations where children are involved and still things don't end up working out. That makes me feel like I'm probably wasting my time and emotional energy. I still can't figure out if she is a WAW or going through a MLC or is both. Given the fact she chose to walk, even though in doing so she "decided" to become a single mom with 3 kids again (since they are not "mine" obviously there is no further support from me in that way). With each passing day I can feel my heart's door closing an inch or two. The common statement I keep coming back to is after everything I have done for them, how on earth in her heart can she keep doing this to me? As recent as the holidays she was in my arms, I was rubbing her back and feet like I always did and we were even physically intimate. Obviously not "making love" intimate but the sex was enjoyable nonetheless. I always treated her like a princess, minus the handful of episodes where my mouth got out of control, and she would readily attest to that. Then after the holidays she totally shuts down, she said she is working on herself and not going to date anyone, but I woudn't put it past her that there may be OM at this point. I am sure safety and security are a major concern for her at this point, and what better way to cure that than "latching on" to the next one. I still can't believe after taking on a single mother with three and loving and supporting them in the best way I knew how, that this is where I sit. I guess one thing going for me is that I don't know many men who are going to step to the plate of a single mom of three. I know of many who would love to get her in the sack because she is a gorgeously sexy woman, but to take that on in a "long term/marriage" possiblity I think is a differnt story.

This LRT is only 5 days old and it is killing me. I am certainly GAL but that is not helping me get my mind off of this at all. Going out of town this weekend and greatly looking forward to that, but regardless of where I am or what I am doing, or with whom, I will continue to think about her. I am making myself a better man, but every day that goes by I just don't think it's going to matter to her.

I am at work and should be concentrating on other things but I can't, because this consumes 75% of my brain cycles at least. I have other women actively persuing me but I don't care, all I want is her and my stepkids back. I am very logical person and logically my path doesn't make any sense. My family and friends think the best thing for me to do is to let it go, and she has told me this as well. The fact that I can't do it proves my love for her right? I'm not holding on for any other reason, obviously not for fear of loneliness, security, or any other purpose. This woman TAUGHT me love, that's why I have already fought so long.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Thanks for anyone's feedback and good luck and God's blessing to all of you.