So W called me this am at 9:15. I was already at work and busy, and let it go to vm. She didn’t leave a message but texted me to tell me that the separation agreement is ready, and she wants to coordinate me looking at it. She then emailed me from work asking me if I got her text. I’m going to let this one cook, and try a 180 for a while.
The atty was full of blarney—he said it would be done last week Friday, and he said he would email it to me. I should have known by the disheveled, disorganized nature of his office that deadlines, and things he said could be taken for good.
I’m going to try this 180 for the time being. I’m not going to answer the phone when she calls, but will check vm immediately if she leaves one. If the content of her communication has nothing to do with our d, then I’m not going to get back to her right away.
As for this separation agreement, I’ll let that one sit for 24 hours. I’m afraid that doing that is going to anger her…which isn’t the result we want. As I understand the 180, we are trying to do the opposite of what our s thinks we would normally do. So if they have a certain stereotype that we always get mad when talking about x…and she starts talking about x, and I don’t get mad, but smile and laugh…that’s a 180. My 180 in this situation is, I’m always responding when she calls, by answering the phone right away…I’m always there at her beck and call. Now I’m not going to do that anymore, because we’re separated, and I have other things going on. So the goal here is to pique her interest as to what I’m doing because I’m not responding right away. So I’m not even sure if what I’m doing is a 180. I guess it is, but I’m afraid it will back-fire…whatever, I’ll try it anyway.
I definitely will not respond negatively if she calls me tonight/tomorrow and is rip-roaring mad. I’ll just smile and tell her I was really busy. Thoughts?
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
