feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[imthemom]

Thanks 25..your insights are valueable...and Im proud of myself that I was able to work through my feelings of fear (that he would be upset with me) and guilt (that I would be making HIS life harder by taking the court ordered amount...btw, wth????)

It showed ME that I am learning from this process and makeing changes in myself that will help me be a better me...
I refuse to live my life in fear and guilt any longer. I have lived like that for way to many years and waited around for other people to make me feel different, when in fact I am the one who needed to do something about how I feel and react to others...

since I told H to speak to my L about the financial stuff..the cute flirty text have slowed down quite a bit....telling me my gut feeling was right. That hurts but in not a shocker. Its who he has become and I dont expect a change in that over night or any time soon for that matter. If im honest with myself that selfish streak im seeing now has really always been there...theres just no more excuses for it (the drinking is gone so cant blame that) The regular visits with S14 have slowed down quite a bit to...its been almost 2 weeks since he has seen S14 and no plan to in the near future. Granted he is working long hours right now but he has managed to fit time in there for ow but hasnt even managed a dinner with S14 so that shows his priority list right now. and the sad thing is S14 hasnt even asked about him.

Were it stands now is my L contacted him and said that he agreed to this settelment in good faith and if he is refuseing to sign it now she will set up a court date and he will then have to pay attorney fees on top of everything else...she suggested he contact her to avoid a messy court proceeding. I havent heard anything back yet so not sure what will happen next. I really didnt want it to turn into this and DONT want to go to court. I have tried to be non confrontational about all of this but it seems like it gets that way when it comes to the money....

all in all im feeling alot stronger on my part and proud of my changes, a little sad that Ive realized that he really is this person and theres nothing I can do to change that. It is what it is so they say...