sorry for the delay in getting back. I've been busy too...
"This whole situation seems so dysfunctional...I'm surprising myself, my C & my W about how well I'm taking it....The "old me" would have been full of rage at some of this stuff. Still a DB novice..."
Yes, a situation like this is 'very' dysfunctional to say the least. However, I think you need to pause for a moment and give yourself a good ol' pat on the back!
You mention being a novice but I don't see that. Yes, we all need to re visit the basics from time to time. From what I see though, you've definitely gotten past the initial, 'what the *&^*!! is going on' stage. I see someone who is chippin' away at this and that one at a time. Positives here and there that are making a difference. Keep it up!
"I asked my W to tell me if I have unreasonable hopes / expectations that we will be together again, re-married..."
I know this kind of marital 'temperature taking' is irresistible. However, a WAS will very often feel 'neediness' from their LBS with this. Tends to set things back a bit. Best to let W set the pace on this.
In short, continue on with the above. Be genuinely positive. Be pleasant. Be a soft shoulder for her to land on but again try to avoid the sort of, 'I can't wait for you to make up your mind sweetie (pant pant!)' (Argh, I know this is an easy thing to forget from time to time...)
If this helps, remember, this is a marathon and not a sprint.
"She said that she wants to work on our R, but the D allows a fresh start for us & also protection for her in case I become "evil" and our efforts at reestablishing a new/better R fail..."
When a WAS is occilating like this, and I know it's frustrating but the best you can do is to roll with it and not react. Sometimes, without even realizing it a part of them may be trying to push buttons. Helps validate their leaving. Instead, perhaps,
'If this is what you feel then I won't hold you back. I enjoy spending my time with you. Especially when we work together as a team we can really be something. But again, I won't hold you back if this is how you feel.'
Coyote.
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
