Opening Up

[25yearsmlc]

I don't know your whole situation CL, so bear with me as I give some thoughts to things others have said and you've said.

You do sound really sensitive. The ribbing about the landscaping, since it was not mean spirited, sounds like you had to make an effort not to be mad or hurt. You have to go with the flow more. YOU will be happier...things will be easier. She should not have to fear telling you something or teasing you

and you should not walk on egg shells either. Her "letting" you watch your tv show sounds weird to me. My h and I have some tastes in common but we work it out. We also tape shows...so one of us can watch "our own" show later.

No biggie...

We had some turbulence last night. My W woke me up at 3:30AM complaining about there not being enough food in the house, being stressed about money, not liking the house we live in, not feeling prepared for retirement, feeling envious of others who appear to have more money than us, not having children, and my lack of making an adequate income for the household. She started on the theme of how men should be able to support their wives.



I think of myself as a feminist. But I am like most women, who want our men to be able to provide for us, even if we have our own incomes. It makes us feel safer. One study found that-

Men say they want peace in the home (no nagging), and attraction to their wives.

Women say they want fidelity and security.

"Security" includes financial security...as well as feeling that if there was a noise at night, the h would defend his w...but also that if they had children, the child and she would be safe...from foreclosure, from starvation, etc..

I don't know how many of her fears are rational. Nor do I know if you want children but you two are in piecing...and that's a lot to add to the mix right now...

which of her complaints, if any, had validity in YOUR opinion?


She is envious of a woman in her dance studio whose husband is a doctor. I let her vent, and tried to listen to what she was trying to say. It was more emotional than logical. I slept in the guest room that night.


why? And does she work outside the home?

She called me this afternoon and wants a debit card to the joint account (I think she already has one), so she can buy food as-needed. I don't have a problem with this, as long as we coordinate, so checks don't go into overdraft. I support her desire and intention to cook more often. We'll see if providing her with food to cook will move things forward for her and us.

CL

uh, maybe you don't know this, but "allowing" her to have food as needed is a frickin BASIC....

Loosen those purse strings buddy....or I'm missing huge here.