So is she having an EA? Would that explain her behavior? I just can't seem to figure out how someone who has texted me that she "abhors me, despises me, hates me etc"(I've got it all), why does she care so much what I'm doing?
Of course she's having an EA! If something doesn't change, she will continue to bounce from man to man b/c she wants to feel special. She likes the emotional high she gets from the EA's. It makes no difference if the man has a girlfriend, married, or D with a dozen kids.
I don't believe the EA alone is why she behaves like she does, but it certainly plays a huge part. As I told you before, it sounds like she needs to see a therapist.
When she tells you she hates you, etc, what is your reaction? Maybe she's seeing how much you'll take before responding.
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My W thinks it is okay to have male friends that she talks to, but she talks (or texts) to them at all hours of the night.
It may not be a popular item these days to say a person should not have friends of the opposite sex. But I think it is a wise person who doesn't have a friend of the opposite sex who isn't a friend of the spouse. When/if she's having conversations with him that exclude her H, that's not appropriate. Anytime it becomes a secret, or "private" then it's not appropriate. I think it's very sad that our society doesn't even know what is right or wrong in a MR anymore. Use to, a woman would never have thought about contacting a man that many times, especially if you're M, and especially if he's not your H's friend, and especially if you're on the job, and especially if you wanted to be considered descent! Somewhere with all the modern technology, that all seemed to go out the door, and now men are asking if that's normal b/c they can't decide.
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So am I the one who is insecure? Is there really an issue here.
You're not insecure, and yes there is a huge issue here!
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But in all honesty, I feel like I've been a doormat at times. But I know that if I make an issue of it, it would just be counterproductive.
Yes, I would agree that you've been like a doormat. There's just one way you get there, and that's being stepped on.
Look, I'm just going to say what I think here. I'm not a professional and I don't know that this would have positive results or not. But to me, she is trying to poke you hard enough to make you show some ACTION. She tries to make you mad. She tries to make you jealous. She tells you what's what. But she's not seeing her knight in shining armor.
Stop acting like a knot on a log and start speaking up and standing up to her. Be decisive! She disrespects you! How can you expect her to feel love, when she can wipe poop in your face and you never do anything about it?
She wants a man! She really wants you to be that man. Her behavior doesn't say that, and the only reason I have a clue is b/c I know how the minds of some women work. Maybe you need to watch some old black & white classic movies. Watch Clark Gable, Spencer Tracey, or Humphrey Bogart. They played strong male parts who walked off into the sunset with the girl.
If your W doesn't clearly know what the boundaries are in your M, then you need to let her know. Tell her how unattractive she is when she uses her mouth like a sewer. For once, stop letting her call all the shots. Let her TM you without you responding! Stop being so available all the time. When you're not there, she makes sure she knows where you are and what you're doing. Right? So what could you do to change that? Have you ever seen anything that a hen pecked to death? It's not attractive!
I think in the beginning, she was extremely insecure. Your behavior when you got drunk didn't help that problem. However, I think she holds that over your head now. She just might be that much of a controller. (Which could have started a long time ago) That would account for her keeping you under her thumb. I also wonder if she wants to make you move in some sort of direction....just so that she'll know you aren't dead.
If it were me, I would call her bluff. (That's not what MWD usually advises.) If it were me, I would let her know I wasn't putting up with her cr@p behavior any longer. The only thing is, you have to be prepared to back it up, and I don't know if you will. You are too scared that she'll leave. She keeps telling you all about her man in Dallas and how she's moving there. What if you packed her bag and handed it to her?
It's clear that what you're doing now, or have done, is not working. Find the man you lost. Be that man again. Don't make some half-a$$ attempt only to be pushed back down. Decide that you will be the best.....with or without her in your life. But you make the decision.....don't wait for her to make it for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
