i have a couple of questions. you referenced complaint about moderation. what are you referring to?
secondly, does your H acknowledge there is an OW? i'd like to share a thought on him texting and all that, but first it would be helpful to know this.
i like that you are trying out new things. bravo, bravo bravo. one thing you learn from this, and that i learned from this, is how to keep yourself doing things even when it's difficult. and remember the words of one of my favorite so called motivational speakers: "anything worth doing is worth doing badly" - because we are all bad at things when we first start doing them.
do you exercise at all? can you take some off the time in front of the TV and go out for walks? what concerns me about the time with H and the TV is that it's all part of a routine. and if the status quo got you to where you are, perhaps you want to be thoughtful about which parts of it you maintain.
the emotional roller coaster you're on? it's very difficult and very normal. i do think the cries are good - you're a very solid person when you can do this and work a DB program at the same time.
