It seems like you have it figured out intellectually, you just need to do it! It sounds like you have some good GAL activities figured out, have identified the 180's to work on, and have a plan for working on them.
If that's the case, time is your ally, there is no reason to rush anything right now. Take deep breaths and exercise to deal with the anxiety. If you can find a good support structure other than an IC that can help too -- someone you can call and talk to any time you need to, day or night. When I got really low and was tempted to pursue W, my support structure always saved the day. I'd spend 30 minutes on the phone with a friend and come away propped back up.
To your point, if "being cold" has been an issue, make an effort to be friendly. My DB coach talked about "the acquaintance standard" and "the friend standard". If you were dealing with a casual acquaintance, you know how to be polite, you know how to not come across as cold. Think of H as an acquaintance. Progressing from that, you can use the friend standard. The point with a friend is that you might invite them to dinner. If they come along, great, and if they decline, you don't really care, it's fine. That perspective takes pressure off the relationship -- there is no expectation that H will do anything. You'll each have opportunities to interact, either you'll take them, or you won't, but either way you're still friends.
Is there anything specific you'd like help with, or is the best thing the board can do right now is support you?
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
