Just to bring this forward right now, we like to remind people not to mind read our spouses. Having said that disclaimer, I want you to look at the complaints you say your H had, which of them do you believe are actually "valid" complaints?
Originally Posted By: mncwng
- In response, I’ve been trying a lot of the tips suggested on this board & from michele’s books for the past 2 weeks. I’ve been GAL by rediscovering old hobbies, doing things alone that we used to do previously, working out, going to church alone, etc. I no longer initiate R talks and basically do not talk to him at all except for the basic niceties.
The above are great, although dig a little deeper. What things would you actually like to change or make better in yourself?
ie. I lack self confidence so I want to take some courses in public speaking. Or, I am not very adventurous with food, so I will try out one new type of food every week.
Things like that...
i see...that's a good point. i didnt realize i was trying to "mind read" h. since we are currently not communicating very much, i guess im trying to figure out whats wrong or what's causing our current situation, so that i can try and make things better.
i have been thinking a lot about what things i would actually want to change in myself. to a certain extent, i think all the things H mentioned do have some merit. it's true that occasionally i do talk too much, am clingy, insecure, etc, and i would like to improve on those things. i think this whole getting a life thing has helped in terms of the clinginess since i won't "need" him so much if i have my own things going on and own activities to look forward to. also, in the past, i may have been guilty of wanting to do almost everything together. the thing is though, H never seemed to mind doing things together in the past. though in his recent spew, he said that he doesn't want to do "everything" together any more, and that as far as he can tell, he's always just tolerated me. im guessing (or hoping) that that is just the MLC talking? because the rational part of me knows that we had some good times together and that not all our shared moments were bad! i think i would know myself well enough to not marry someone who merely tolerated me at every turn.
i've learned the past few weeks that though it doesn't come naturally to me, i can be quiet too. this whole process of trying to detach kind of goes hand in hand with that.
