KD - I do feel very blessed that my W is willing to share this so openly with me. Considering that it took her (and us as a couple) 24 years to get to this is truly amazing.
Yes, she would have, when this all began, not been able to share this with me and would have definitely been afraid of creating false hopes.
what if she cannot get to the same place as you....ever? For years?
The real question will be....What's enough for you?
25 - I truly don't know what's enough. I sometimes think I could go on like this for years for her and for us. At other times I feel like I can't stand another minute of it.
If we never progressed back to a full blown relationship then could I be satisfied on the surface and at a soul level with the way it is now? Even this I don't know for sure. If we stopped right now where we are we would be married, sharing day to day and enjoying each other's company, be solid parents, would function well practically; but there would be no romance, no open ended road for us as a couple, none of the passion I live for.
I love her and can see myself by her through this for a long time but at the same time have had moments of reservation.
There are times where I want to give and receive affection so much its physically painful, my arms will literally ache to hold her, or miss some of the pre-bomb simple pleasures that are so nice in a relationship.
I been at this question for nine months now and come at it from all degrees of emotion, prayer, practicality, you name it. The concept of moving on has been brought to my doorstep by Kelli and I've weighed that possibility against whether its enough for me to risk the what if, if my W doesn't reach the stage I'm at. Then's there's the possibility she might decide she's not going to try and further our R, or even leave it.
My heart and soul tell me to walk this walk by her side. Then my mind starts in....
It's not enough for me to just coldly consult the probability charts and say okay, you're this age, you're this kind of guy, you deserve this or that....against the fact that I flat out love this girl.
And this is just what I wrote here, what I could think of this moment.
What was it like for you at this stage? What were you thinking? What did you do?
25 - just wanted to add what I just thought as I was walking around my workplace.
Nine months of post bomb existance sounds like a lot and can feel like a lot, but in terms of what my W is going through its not a lot of time. And for my reaction to all of this its also not a lot of time.
Both of us are coming back to earth with newfound awareness after going through so much shell shock. I actually feel like we are at the very beginning of a healing path so I don't feel the panicky, self preservation driven need for an answer today that I originally felt when the nuke went off.
"Nine months of post bomb existance sounds like a lot and can feel like a lot, but in terms of what my W is going through its not a lot of time."
I wonder what the gestation period is for the rebirth of a marriage?
Maybe this is the male version of giving birth....is incredibly painful and seems to go on forever
yes, I know that sounds whiny...in fact it is whiny
I'd say sign me up for the epidural, but then someone would rightly point out that would eliminate the personal growth and whatnot
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
I would gladly deliver both my boys 3 times a day instead of dealing with this! At least with labor- there's a definitive end and a reward.... this is an unknown timeline and and unknown reward.... bring on the epidural!!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
