It's one thing to expect respectful or good treatment. Obviously to avoid verbal/emotional abuse, it is absolutely fine to cut people out of your life for that stuff.
But giving with the expectation of receiving undermines the true giving part of the gift. True giving shows your worth because you are a loving and giving person who does not do things solely to receive some benefit in return.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Exactly. It's not even giving and receiving that matters at all to me. I pour to do stuff 'just because' but that makes him uncomfortable. My problem is with not being recognized as significant in any way on a day that the people around me are. It's a reminder that I don't really have a place in his heart. A hug and a simple 'happy v day' would more than suffice.
We will see.......sigh
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
First, it's his problem that it makes him uncomfortable. Has he ever said why it makes him uncomfortable (does he feel pressured to reciprocate in some way and isn't sure what would make you happy?)
Second, all that proves is that he's not making a big deal out of V-day. It doesn't prove anything about his feelings one way or the other.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Third, have you told him you would appreciate some recognition of the holiday? Or just told him you plan to get him something? Or that you'd like to make a nice dinner that night?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I've told him in the past that a small little recognition of the day and his feelings for me is appreciated. That felt like I was being manipulative and asking for things that he wasn't capable of or ready to give. That was never my intention and I had to just let it go. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like it, but I am not going to ask for it. He either wants to or he doesn't. That's his decision to make without my input.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
It's definitely AOS. He hasn't responded to any of the other 4. He likes when I do something for him out of the blue. I try to incorporate at least one thing a week. He truly loves even something as simple as folding his load of laundry he left in the dryer. He's very easy to please in that respect. Thank heavens! I'm not creative enough to come up with a lot of unique ideas.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I've told him in the past that a small little recognition of the day and his feelings for me is appreciated. That felt like I was being manipulative and asking for things that he wasn't capable of or ready to give.
He's definitely capable of it.
What I see instead is that he does AOS for you since his LL is AOS. Not exactly hitting the target, but at least he makes an effort.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
H's LL is AOS too. The fact that I know that, doesnt make me feel loved, I hate AOS as a LL, LOL!! It's easy to make them feel loved but it's so hard for them to make us feel loved when they are using AOS only.
