Too Little, Too Late.... part 4

[Rick1963]

Skydiving? That sounds like fun to bad I am afraid of flying

[purgatory]

Thanks everyone for the support!! I'm excited about my GAL plans down in Florida, none of which would be possible if I were actually 'living' there... so this is truly like a vacation! To answer a few questions:
* No, I don't ride here at home. I have been wanting to find a barn to volunteer at, but I am limited to 'every other weekend and only 2 nights a week', but it's something I'm looking into.
* skydiving was presented to me shortly after the bomb. It's sat in the back of my head for a while, and I decided that I wanted to do something that I could be proud of myself for doing. Jenna333 mentioned on her post, that skydiving is kinda symbolic of our sitchs: We feel like we are free falling, and it's scary and fast... but eventually, you pull the cord and take control again, and decide where you want to land.

Because of doctor stuff, I'm not going to be leaving here until super bowl weekend.... so I've got another 2 weeks to suffer. I've made a few GAL plans for this week already: church, movie, and a pole dance class on Sat (really wanting to gain some confidence back-it's free to try- so I figured, wth!) I was also a dancer for 18 years (ballet, pointe, jazz, tap, hip-hop, musical theater) before I became mom/wife. I would LOVE to get back into musical theater- but the reality of rehearsals and performance schedules, doesn't fit into a full-time mom life... maybe somewhere down the road.

Today is OWs B-day. I am overwhelmed with the idea that H is going to be taking her out tonight. I KNOW that I have no control over this and that I shouldn't even waste my time stressing about it- but it makes me sick to my stomach!!! H hasn't mentioned any plans to me (not that he ever would) and hasn't said if the boys need to be available for a party or anything. I'm out in the dark. So my little brain takes over by coming up with the worst case scenarios- someone turn them off!!!

I'm really trying to gain my balance back after being knocked back down after BFF bomb. Even though I can see myself going through the process quicker, this feels harder because I'm trying to conquer 2 mountains, with one foot on each, instead of one at a time. This is exhausting and really depressing.

I really need to find a way to distract myself while I'm in my house with the boys- playing with them only lasts so long, and then there are other responsibilities around the house... the whole time, my head is focused on H and OW. I've been reading websites/books that have been recommended to me on here about detachment... Everything makes logical sense to me, but I don't seem to have the ability to put it into action. I am my own worst enemy.

[25yearsmlc]

Skydiving? That sounds like fun to bad I am afraid of flying

Rick-first, you won't be "flying" in the plane long. They'll "let you out" at 10-12k feet

I loved it so much I did it again. H did it with me (different plane, in case) and my d22 joined the first time, and my s25 joined me later on the 2nd time.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat--funnest sensation (other than sex) that I've ever had. MIght get certified to jump at night...it's safer than car traffic here in LA.

And yes it is empowering. A statement, if you will.

You are brave if you can do the "inner journey" and you can reflect this with one tiny step...o f f a s t e p of the plane..

wheeeee!!

[Crimson]

Actually was conisdering doing this ^^^^^ as part of GAL. Mostly because I am scared to death of it. My physics teacher in high school told me nothing falls from the sky except bird sh*t and fools. That stuck with me.

If it's a tandem jump what happens if you are waaaay bigger than the guy you are strapped to??

Crimson

[25yearsmlc]

Purg,

plan something fun to do TONIGHT...even if it's just renting a funny movie ("Bridesmaids" is crude but hilarious and the story behind the film, the whole "female written and starring, and making a ton of money" is rare in Hollywood. They pulled it off and it's a real breakthrough for TV and film making.

Be busy or post here...LET their evening go...it's not nearly as wonderful as you're imagining...

and soon, the kids will "get it" if they have not already...and your absence will be noted.

Keep doing YOUR work, b/c you have control over you and ONLY you..

[purgatory]

I am so blind with rage!!! I wish I could get out of this house so I could scream and cry not in front of my kids!!!

These are the hardest moments for me to deal with- I need to have an emotional release because I'm so angry, but I can because of the kids..... That's why I come here- sorry you guys have to read my "ratings of a LBS"

H just showed me selfish side again and hung up on me when he didn't like what I had to say about it. I told him i didnt like the idea of him taking my sick baby over to OW house tomorrow when he could potentially get sicker because of what D6 has. His blanket excuse was that D6 is on meds, do she's not contagious. I reminded him that she was on meds last week too when he got sick from her. He just said: " your being jealous again" and hung up!!!

Old Purg would have blown up the phone with texts and calls until he answered.... I did send one text that said I would like him to consider my concerns for the baby's health and if we could please talk this through. He replied, ok.

WTH!?!?! Nothing more that 'ok'??? Still hasn't called or talked to me about it! I'm really furious that he uses 'jealousy of OW' for everything I say that has to do with that family!!!!

[BklynMom]

It's okay. His response To your text is calm which is good. This is a great opportunity for him to see the new purg. Be patient let him make the next move. Sometimes it can take a while but he will make the next move.

Really focus yourself on the next exchange being totally zen.

When I am at home all day with the kids I have been making a lot of sugar cookies. They love the sprinkles and the shapes. It takes a while so it can eat up a lot of time. I know my d3 talks about how much fun she has baking with me so that's nice.

[purgatory]

baking- that's a great idea! My son doesn't have the patience for it, but I think it would be something good for *me* to do

Im being zen, I'm being zen....well, trying.

Meanwhile, I got a text from OW saying: 'thank you, perg.' (i left her b-day present in her mailbox since I couldn't ever figure out how to get it to D16 so she should give it to her.) I didn't respond.

I have this sudden overwhelming feeling that everything is falling apart; It feels like H is attaching himself to *that* family, and wanting to include my boys with it! It appears that exBFF has no interest in trying to salvage my friendship with her, that H's 'friendship' is much more important to her.... I am being left behind in the gutter while they get to go on with one big happy f-ing family!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[BFloat]

((( purg)))

cool.. Calm.. Zen..

Wow. You were a dancer! That's hot!

I really don't know what to say. I'm a mess. The only thing I can offer is distraction! Like.. You were a dancer! That's hot!!!

Save me a seat next to you on that roller coaster! I hate to ride alone!

[25yearsmlc]

Purg

I'm in a rush but go back and read that post I wrote a few days back...on an earlier thread I believe.

Not sure why you gave the present to her...but it's done.

Stop getting mad at h. Focus on the kids and make sure that you don't have jealousy as your "real" motive

but suggest to your h that he not use that belief as an excuse to avoid looking at his choices...


Let go of what you cannot control. Things will run their course-

YOUR job is YOUR work on YOURSELF..

how's that going?