Thanks everyone for the support!! I'm excited about my GAL plans down in Florida, none of which would be possible if I were actually 'living' there... so this is truly like a vacation! To answer a few questions: * No, I don't ride here at home. I have been wanting to find a barn to volunteer at, but I am limited to 'every other weekend and only 2 nights a week', but it's something I'm looking into. * skydiving was presented to me shortly after the bomb. It's sat in the back of my head for a while, and I decided that I wanted to do something that I could be proud of myself for doing. Jenna333 mentioned on her post, that skydiving is kinda symbolic of our sitchs: We feel like we are free falling, and it's scary and fast... but eventually, you pull the cord and take control again, and decide where you want to land.
Because of doctor stuff, I'm not going to be leaving here until super bowl weekend.... so I've got another 2 weeks to suffer. I've made a few GAL plans for this week already: church, movie, and a pole dance class on Sat (really wanting to gain some confidence back-it's free to try- so I figured, wth!) I was also a dancer for 18 years (ballet, pointe, jazz, tap, hip-hop, musical theater) before I became mom/wife. I would LOVE to get back into musical theater- but the reality of rehearsals and performance schedules, doesn't fit into a full-time mom life... maybe somewhere down the road.
Today is OWs B-day. I am overwhelmed with the idea that H is going to be taking her out tonight. I KNOW that I have no control over this and that I shouldn't even waste my time stressing about it- but it makes me sick to my stomach!!! H hasn't mentioned any plans to me (not that he ever would) and hasn't said if the boys need to be available for a party or anything. I'm out in the dark. So my little brain takes over by coming up with the worst case scenarios- someone turn them off!!!
I'm really trying to gain my balance back after being knocked back down after BFF bomb. Even though I can see myself going through the process quicker, this feels harder because I'm trying to conquer 2 mountains, with one foot on each, instead of one at a time. This is exhausting and really depressing.
I really need to find a way to distract myself while I'm in my house with the boys- playing with them only lasts so long, and then there are other responsibilities around the house... the whole time, my head is focused on H and OW. I've been reading websites/books that have been recommended to me on here about detachment... Everything makes logical sense to me, but I don't seem to have the ability to put it into action. I am my own worst enemy.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12