WHG: Chasing that rabbit with the pocketwatch

[workinghardguy]

Whew... got to see unhappy, bitter W last night for a bit... I continued my upstairs presence again. I like the quiet me time at night and not wondering when W will come home from work and the tension surrounding that.

But my mom called to check on some dates. This necessitated going downstairs to look at the family calendar. As I'm doing this my W comes out of the kitchen... I didn't even know she was home. I get done with my mom and as I head back upstairs I offer her a simple greeting and tell her about a change in S's wrestling schedule that would effect her this weekend.

She gives me this nasty reply full of anger. I paused for a few seconds and then simply said I didn't appreciate her tone and that if I did something to trigger it she needs to tell me so I am aware. Then she apologizes... says it's nothing I did. That her smartphone is not working and she's afraid she'll have to get a new one. That she doesn't have the money to do that with the move, but that she lives for her phone and Facebook and texting. Plus the loan officer at the bank didn't call her back about the car refi where she was going to take some cash out so she can get the deposit down on the rental house. She's worried about that and frustrated.

I listened and told her I'm sorry she's struggling and under this stress. I didn't offer any solutions... these are the challenges she will face and have to solve. Then I went upstairs. As I went W asked me if I had video recorded S at practice. I told her I did and shared it with her. We both had a bunch of laughs watching him wrestle someone else for the first time. Then I told her good night and went up to bed.

It's been hard this morning because I know she's hurting and struggling. It goes against everything in my being not to reach out and fix this for her. I won't... but it's so much part of my DNA still that going against it creates guilt and dissonance.