Light at the end of the tunnel......

[workinghardguy]

I guess this is almost another form of DBing - acceptance and moving on

I was struck last week, as I sat at an MLK Day celebration, about the similarities between DBing and the concept of non-violent protest. No matter what you shall do to me I will love you like my brother, unconditionally, and perhaps the force of the love will bring you to see the right course.

I don't think anyone would have called MLK and his brethren "doormats" for sitting while violently opposed. And certainly this is not on the same level as the oppression and violence the civil rights marchers faced. But I think the basic concepts are the same.

To that end... I don't know if "acceptance" is the right word for what we are doing. I don't accept that my W has chosen this path. I do accept she is her own actor and can choose her own path. But I know that I have the choice to stand up and still love her unconditionally. This doesn't mean pursuing her, sending her love notes, buying her thing... why? Because those are conditional. They are tit-for-tat. I will send you a love note in the hopes you send one back, and if you don't I won't send another. That's a condition.

Rather letting her live her life but not harboring anger, resentment, or hatred towards her is the unconditional part. There is no condition on not having those feelings towards her. They are my emotions and feelings to have or not have.

None of this is to say you're doing any of these things 2TP... your comment just triggered something that's been running around in my head for the past week.