Hi Tested! was just reading through your thread! In regards to dreams of anger towards the OW/OM... in my case OW....heck I don't dream about it, I've had those thoughts fully awake! And I still have them. Nothing would give me more self satisfaction than to deck them both! Will I do it, of course not.
Don't be afraid of those emotions you're working through. Feel them, and have them. If you're dreaming these things, you're processing all the emotions in this situation. This is part of our journey in healing and getting through to the other side of this horrific mess, so just allow it.
I remember a few months ago I was really disturbed over the anger I was experiencing at stbx and ow. By nature Im an easy going person, positive attitude, level headed, good sense of humor and pretty diplomatic. How on earth could I have such angry thoughts? OH...but I did. MY IC told me that it was very important that I let these emotions surface, sort through them, and feel them for it was the only way through. To own these emotions. So I did just that. Wow...it was/still is an experience. I've learned so much about myself by allowing these emotions to surface, pay attention to them and ask why Im feeling the way I do.
This has also helped me make some changes in my behavior that I now know might've helped during the marriage. That was my reactions to stbx, and his off the wall behaviors. My problem would be to dive in deep and get way too emotional, heck even clinical when he'd spew at me. I'd take every criticism and address it and defend it to him. Well all that did was give us circular arguing, going no where real fast.
Now, I've learned to just listen, and address the sitch accordingly. When addressed I keep it as simple as I can. What really seems to possibly have helped us start communicating now is that I don't give into the spew. I won't argue with him. I don't ignore him, I let him know he's heard, and I validate, but I do not roll over and let him walk all over me either. One thing that seems to turn him around when spewing is to ask " Why are you acting this way? Where is your rationality?".
You'll start to feel better with time. I was feeling really horrible too for a few months, lost 20 pounds, couldn't sleep, and was spacey at work too. Now Im feeling alot better, am now eating again so darn it here comes that 20 pounds back, and am focused at work again.
It'll come...remember to love yourself through this. I swore I never would start to feel better and that I was destined to be miserable the rest of my days. Well I am feeling better, still struggle with the heart ache too. But my wounds have started to heal, yet still tender when provoked.
