KD is spot on and when I just read his post it helped me realize a bit about my own sitch.
"classic comments"
It's really so amazing how these situations are all the same. They use the same words, the same rationals. In one way that makes it tough because our spouse thinks their feelings are so unique. The LBS is in some ways much the same. But these waters have been navigated many thousands of times.
And unfortunately I know that doesn't make you feel one bit better.
But many have navigated them well and come out the other side better for it. Either as a better person or a better person with a better marriage.
Early on in my sitch I studied lots of books, figured it all out, and then explained it all to my wife.
That didn't work so well.
Now I just work on myself. I often fall into the traps but I'm pretty quick at righting my course these days. The faster you can learn to consistently do that the better.
Snooping does just the opposite. Snooping makes you feel worse which causes you to snoop more which causes you to feel worse, ad infinitum. I know my wife is still using her secret email address. When I checked to see I felt like crap for days. Still do I guess. I know I could snoop a lot more. But it serves no good purpose.
I also don't really try to figure out where the R is anymore. I was usually wrong in the past anyway, so whats the point.
So in the end it really really comes down to taking care of yourself. Make yourself happy. Do good things for yourself.
This is the most painful thing a person can go through. Hang in there. It gets better.
