Confused... Need a little Guidance

[DBinSF]

Hi all,

I'm a first time poster. My fiancee and I split about 9 months ago after a tumultuous 4 year relationship. She's a typical WAW, even though we weren't married. The Sitch is that she was pressuring really hard for marriage, and I was wavering, even after we were engaged. I started looking around and wanting out of all the pressure, and she eventually pulled the plug given that we weren't going anywhere.

I begged and pleaded for about 6 months before pulling a 180 and going completely dark for 2 months. After two months, she called me out of the blue, missing me, not wanting to settle for someone else she didn't feel passion for (she rebounded with an OM almost immediately, but obviously started to grow tired of him).

When she called a few weeks ago, and I was taken totally by surprise. She said she wanted to see me, and I agreed. Of course she called back 10 minutes later and cancelled. We then had a few back and forths, spoke for 10 minutes, during which she told me how much she missed me, and now it's been two weeks. I sent her a message on Saturday night saying that I was touched by her reaching out and missed her terribly too. I really opened up and said how I think we both have changed over the last nine months, etc. etc.

We then spoke today at length during which she said she apprecaited hearing all the things I said, but she feels better now that she knows I'm "still there." I feel totally used, like she just wanted to know she still had me, and now that she knows she does, she can go on her merry way, while I'm totally spun out by this whole thing.

I feel fed up and I want to tell her never to contact me again. Maybe I'm being emotional and I need to just chill and go dark again. I just can't stand it that I blew my one chance to open up a dialogue. I just went right back to being all over her and ran her off again.

Any advice on next steps?

Thanks,
DBinSF