Hi Inner, sorry you find yourself in your position. You will find plenty of support here as you work through this.
You received some pretty classic comments from your W. And as you found, these types of comments CAN be indicative of an A. And believe me when I say, I understand what it means to say that it doesn't matter that it wasn't physical. It still hurts... maybe worse...
It is good that your W is indicating she wants to work on the M, even though it doesn't seem to be moving forward and even though she could be simply cake eating. What many find is, while your W is invested in the OM, she cannot fully focus on the M.
I want to be clear about this right now. Confronting her and pushing her on the A is very likely to have the effect of pushing the A further under ground. The A won't end, you will just be less privy to it. The harder you snoop and the more you confront, the more you are likely pushing your W out the door and towards a D.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If you can emotionally handle it. If not, do what you need to protect yourself emotionally. Even if you could convince your W to completely stop contact with the OM, she will go through a grieving period during which she will still be unavailable to you. And further, if she sees you as the cause for the demise of her OM relationship, she may resent you for a long time because of it. Keep yourself out of harms way.
LRT is very appropriate at this time. None of this is a technique to manipulate our spouse to return to us. It is a way to help us become better people and hopefully the side benefit is saving our M. You are not directly competing with the OM. Rather, you are becoming an amazing, interesting, attractive man that ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEAVE. Hopefully, your W isn't a fool. And when she chooses to leave the A behind, she can have some of that good stuff...
Keep working on yourself and keep posting here. You are likely moderated for now and your posts may take a while to show up. But with a good driving record, you will be off moderation soon enough and your posts will appear immediately.
Keep your nose to the grind stone and keep doing the hard work and it WILL get better.
