The sex question is a tough one and you'll get suggestions for or against it. In my case, H and I have continued to be intimate. I felt like it was my only time to "connect" with him and he would kiss and hold me. I don't know if my H is in a PA, I think it has "only" been EA plus kissing (though that is reason enough for me to want to throw up). I don't know that if I reject his advances, if that that would make him want to be intimate with OW. I do find it difficult when he returns to the distant H who doesn't show interest in me. I'm not sure how long I will be able to continue that myself. But you do have to answer the question for yourself. How does it make you feel? Do you think it's a way for you to "connect"?
this is a biggie...the DB coach asked me about the role of sex in our marriage and it was a big plus for us. Like you nh, it helped me feel connected to my h.
I don't know what certainty of OW would have done but I trusted my h to not spread a disease to me. Naive? Perhaps but he's an MD and would avoid a situation that would lead to it, imo.
In any event, I recall telling her that "no man had ever gone home for the great sex he NEVER had", and she said pretty much what you said--e.g.,
how do you feel when you make love? Are you connecting and "WITH" each other, or avoidant?
how do YOU feel afterward? Does he express regret (not you mindreading, just what he SAYS or does)?
What are the chances of an OW physically involved with him, and if there is one, what type of woman is she?
(I mean, IF she's a professional hooker, my advice would be very different than if she were recently widowed. Make sense?)
Learn the "Stop Sign" rule and get it in your head when you begin to go negative.
It's SO important for you to learn how to manage your emotions.
Your menstrual cycle and post partum are NOT excuses or justifications. They are treatable conditions and no man wants to hear that his wife can abuse him for a third of his life...
So get that counselling too Molly...can't hurt. And there's no shame in it.
I'm one who has been there, and like I said, I thank God those things are available.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
