I have posted in newcomers, but thought I'd post here as this question is directly related to bringing up an A.
Quick background on my situation, I am 32, W is 29. We do not have kids. I travel quite a bit for work. I saw signs of A, but chose to ignore them subconsciously as I think I tricked myself into not wanting to know. W said she wanted to "move on" in July 2011 and she moves out August 2011. I find out about OM while checking phone bills in September 2011 and brought it up to W in non-threatening way. She denies it was anything more than a "friend". I didn't know who it was and I chose to apply DB principles and just not bring it up.
Now she is racing toward finish line trying to file D and get court date set up ASAP. I believe she is being a coward and just trying to get it over with so she can then come out with OM and pretend that they just started dating. I understand I can't control her, but is there any merit to speaking with OM man to man? Alternatively, is there any benefit to bringing this up to W basically saying I know, but I understand that I may have been emotionally absent and am willing to own up to my shortcomings and work on the R.
OM was recently D'd and I think he has been coaching her through the process.
I am not looking to shame her or throw this in her face, but think that maybe addressing it head on may actually open up conversation? Right now, we don't see each other or talk to each other as there are no children giving us an excuse to do so, so she cannot see any changes I am making.
Any advice on addressing OM would be much appreciated. I feel by just ignoring the situation and "working on myself" I am just avoiding getting her to address this and just giving her an easy out. Is this really the way to DB or is there a way to DB that includes asking her for the truth? I have read DB and DR, and it seems as though ignoring an A is not necessarily the rule.
