Still alone, but no longer confused...

[Accuray]

I hear you, the helplessness and obsessing are terrible. Here's what I found if it helps -- first, your imagination will fill in the worst possible details and meanings every time. You will assume everything is worse and has more gravity and permanence than it deserves. That's why the believe nothing they say is so important. You take everything they say as fact now and forever when 5 minutes later they probably changed their mind.

Secondly, you are thinking about it more than they are and attaching meaning to everything. Everything becomes symbolic of something else. The truth is that H is swimming in a dopamine induced stupor and really isn't thinking about the meaning of what he's doing, he's winging it. He's expending all his mental energy on rationalization so there is no capacity for the deep thought you are giving it. The best thing you can do is realize that slow and steady wins the race. Time is your ally.

Accuray