Being thankful and praying

[angel61]

Hi MZ,

I can see from your posts that in some ways we are similar, we don't let things stew too much before moving. Also, you do believe like me that the truth will set you free. That is why now in piecing I am working on being able to talk (and think) about our whole past sitch (not just OW but the whole thing) without it throwing us into a tailspin. True, there will be the anger, hurt, shame and pain, but everyday that passes seems to throw it further and further away.

Updating:

H and I have started reading the Love Dare and we are in Dare #1. It is about patience with each other and not responding negatively to one another. So far its been good, and we have brought up sensitive topics in the past 3 days without flaring up.

WE talked about OW and how they were both in a vulnerable place when they met, and how they sort of fell into this "taking each other's side against the world (or spouses)", as OW was just newly divorced from a physically abusive M, and H was miserable from my controlling and demanding nature. He explained to me how they never really had a physical relationship, no kisses or making out, and I did believe him. He explained to me how he no longer even misses her, and how he could look back objectively to what happened, and all I felt was a twinge of jealousy. We both agreed that things happen for a reason, and that what happened has taught us a lot of things.

WE even managed to laugh about ourselves; yesterday H was putting on the expensive jeans I bought him for Christmas, and he said "boy, I love this jeans. I'm glad I didn't return it when I was being emotional! " I responded by laughing at him and calling him drama king, he in turn teased me about being such a cry baby.

WE attended a talk about the 5LL's and found out that both of us have Quality time as the first, but whereas I rate physical touch highly, it is the lowest for him. No wonder his EA never became a PA! I overheard him talking to another couple, and he was saying that he felt that although it was up and down in our sitch, we were making a lot of progress and at least we knew where we are going! That is so positive as he never really talked about our sitch to other people before!

He will be traveling soon to OW's home country for work. He tells me not to worry, and I am already preparing myself for it. BUt really, all I could do is pray and hope that in between now and then, we will be cementing our relationship and bringing it closer and closer to being not only fully reconciled but more than that.

God has been good to me, and I credit Retrouvaille as well with helping us. I think that sometimes, we have to hear about reconciliation from others to believe in it.

I know it is far from over, I still have not heard any heartfelt ILY's from H, and he is still in denial on some issues. But its been going faster than I thought it will. Its gathering momentum, actually.

So my friends, don't ever give up, when I think of how I had to hold on literally to my seat to keep from going home and kicking out H from our house many months ago, and how many of you here told me to count to a hundred and not to do it, I am so thankful. Many times, 25 or Cyrena or Grace_O or Lorie told tell me to keep my cool.