If you get to a place where H does want to save the marriage, you will insist on "No Contact" now and forever with OW. That may include requiring a job change if that's what it will take to feel good again. As long as OW is in the picture, you cannot find peace, and there is nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, you're not in the place to demand that right now, you can't really address it with H until he recommits to the M.
That's what I'm struggling with the most, the fact that H is not committed to the M and me not knowing what he's thinking. I know he is confused and is possibly going back and forth with his thoughts. And that is why I know I shouldn't confront about OW. Knowing about OW and not being able to do anything about it makes me feel helpless and weak. If/when H does recommit, then absolutely no contact with OW, and a job change will be necessary. But baby steps for now.
I'm nervous about H coming back home tonight. I don't know what to expect. H did end up calling to talk to S4 during his layover, though it didn't go too well. S4 didn't really want to talk and I think H didn't like that. S4 said that he was sad and wanted to see his daddy. H didn't hear what S4 said, so I repeated it for him. H just said that he's on his way home.
