I have posted a few times before, but due to my newbie status, my posts have taken a while to show up such that I have received very few responses.
Quick background on my situation. I am 32, W is 29. Bomb dropped in July 2011 and she moved out in August 2011. We don't have kids. I found out about OM in September and brought it up to her. I didn't know who it was though. She has denied it, but I had phone records that showed otherwise. I decided to use DB principles of not bringing it up and I think she thinks I believed her. She is very conscious of what friends would think of her and now she is about to file and get court date set up for two weeks later (i.e., rushing). Since we don't have kids, there is really no reason for us to interact and for me to show her my changes.
I did a little snooping (reverse phone lookup) and found out that the OM is a director at her work who just got D'd last year.
I think she is being a coward and trying to rush so she can move on and make it seem like her and OM just met to everyone else. I think if she knew I knew, then there isn't as much of an incentive to rush. I wouldn't shame her, but I just want her to admit what I know as the truth. I know this isn't detaching, but I feel like she thinks she's getting away scott-free, when I actually know the truth.
Alternatively, would anyone advise confronting OM with a phone call and talking to him man to man? I know this would really tick off W, but should I care at this point if there is a chance of him backing off? I feel like it is my last chance since I can't really do much else.
Also, if anyone has any tips on delaying a D while trying to still show positive changes, I'd be interested in hearing them.
