I don't know what that something is, I can't figure it out.
My W is coming home tonight from her trip to see her parents. I took her to the airport Wednesday night, and will pick her up tonight. She texted me enroute last week and then I didn't hear from her until today when she was at the airport leaving.
This has been the pattern over the last few months. She went to San Antonio in Nov, Seattle first of Dec, Utah over Xmas and back to TN this weekend. I take her to the airport, she usually texts, or maybe calls until she gets there and then minimal contact. While in Utah with our sons on the ski trip, she texted a little but never called. I asked via text if she was going to call over the weekend and she replied "what for"? So I learned my lesson, my expectations are nil now.
Is this normal? When I'm away and she is home alone, she texts me quite a bit. Last week when I flew to SDF, she texted if I had got there, WX was bad so she said stay dry,etc. Actually had a nice conversation via text.
She doesn't call much any more, mostly texting if she wants to contact me. Do I make much of this?
Sandi2, you made reference to an EA, do you think my W is having one? She has her own cell phone, I don't know who she talks to, and like a good DB'er I don't want to know. I did see her bill for last month and it show 2000 minutes of use. Very little of that was with me. It has always been in the back of my mind. I know she is talking to the shooting coach in TX because she tells me sometimes what she talks about. She also talks to his girlfriend, they have become friends.
Another interesting note is that all the friends she has right now that she corresponds with are people she has met since she asked for the D back in September (other than her college friend from Dallas). And most all are divorced or getting divorced. Any of her friends or co-workers she had prior to this summer, she generally blows off.
My W thinks it is okay to have male friends that she talks to, but she talks (or texts) to them at all hours of the night. When I found her texting under the covers last spring, I was upset at the deceit, not the fact that she was texting her shooting coach. She said i was too insecure and couldn't handle the fact that she had a male friend. I didn't think it seemed normal, and of course my initial respond was wrong, I looked at her cellphone records and saw that she was texting him 80 - 100 times a day. While she was at work.
She has since stopped talking to that particular shooting coach, and last I knew was talking to the one in TX. And both these men are either married or in a relationship. So am I the one who is insecure? Is there really an issue here. I know that if it was reversed she wouldn't stand for it. She always thinks I am texting or secretly calling someone. In fact she grabbed my phone back in November out of my hand to see who I was texting, of course it was work related to a male coworker but she still proceeded to throw the phone against the floor, it was unusable after that.
So is she having an EA? Would that explain her behavior? I just can't seem to figure out how someone who has texted me that she "abhors me, despises me, hates me etc"(I've got it all), why does she care so much what I'm doing?
Some nights she will sit between my legs and play a game on her phone while I rub her back etc. Yet she can totally ignore me for a weekend. This is what makes detaching so hard.
So if I have neglected my wife, meaning I worked to much, wasn't there for her through her for radiation treatments. All the things that led her love tank to be empty, going dark isn't the right DB technique as 25 said.
Do I need to show my wife somehow how I feel. How do you do that with out pursuing? Should I write her a letter?
As Sandi2 said, what is that thing she wants?
BTW, while I was typing this I had a 30 minute text conversation with my W as she was in the airport. She doesn't contact me at all the whole time she is at her parents, but once in the airport it is okay to contact me. Is it because she doesn't want anyone to know she still talks to me? Is it even important?
I'm really learning to manage my expectations, not ask questions and let her do her thing. But in all honesty, I feel like I've been a doormat at times. But I know that if I make an issue of it, it would just be counterproductive.
The being patient part is hard. I always respond in a positive manner, never argue with her, and am trying to stop making sense out of it. I have been reading about detaching, but again when you feel like the 180 is to give your wife the attention that she has wanted, that makes it more difficult.
Thanks for the replies, this forum is certainly a phenomenal asset to have!
