Building a more solid personal Foundation

[labug]

I'm feeling much the same-coming up on a year of S in March, feeling in limbo, no R talk, no D talk.

You know, I tend to focus on the great times my W and I had together and overlook the bad. When she dropped the bomb, I was unhappy with our M/R as well for a couple of reasons

I've been thinking long and hard about actually filing, but I'm still not ready to throw in the towel. I'm not in a rush, at least.

That pretty much sums it up for me, too.

[jbnati]

LITB, I hear you loud and clear. It's a tough balance between letting your W miss you and showing your positive changes. I think the best thing you can do is to continue to work toward being your best possible self. When you have contact with your W, keep being positive and upbeat.

I don't think it's your job to teach your W consequences. That being said, you can allow your W to feel the consequences by not buffering her from them. After all, you have your own life to live.

I've been asking myself lately if my W is someone I would be interested in dating. The answer to that is IDK. She definitely has the inside track if she indicates she wants to come back.

I'm kind of thinking out loud, too.

[~ kd ~]

lol, jb!

After all, you have your own life to live.

You've got the market cornered on that... you better not ever be an OM, 'cause how could anyone compete with you?

I've been asking myself lately if my W is someone I would be interested in dating. The answer to that is IDK. She definitely has the inside track if she indicates she wants to come back.

I'm kind of thinking out loud, too.

It's funny in a way, isn't it. How we (most people, perhaps) never really think that falling in love is a choice... The idea that "it just sorta happened" is there...

Being the LBS in a sitch where a WAS decides to come back... who could ever imagine what that would be like to have to make that decision, except those who have been there.

Anyhow, keep on keepin' on, right bits?

[LITB]

Yeah, there are a lot of similarities at this time. I've been thinking long and hard about actually filing, but I'm still not ready to throw in the towel. I'm not in a rush, at least.

I think we all get to the point in our own time without even knowing when it happens to just completely let go. I believe it was Mach who said that he just felt different when it happened to him.

I like the quote 25 had about being 90 and doing what was right by her and her children.

There really are good memories and I know that my W has thought about them. I don't understand her stubbornness to not talk or engage me in positive ways or in a more friendly, benign way. I mean, I understand... it just remains frustrating...

Yup....I'm right there with you KD.

I just read that SBH has given the ILYBINILWY speech to his W. She didn't take it so well, apparently...

Let me get this right. SBH gave his W the ILYBINILWY speech?

I'll have to find his thread, because I don't understand why anyone on these forums would give that speech. I'm convinced that love is a choice, not a feeling.

[LITB]

Thanks for dropping in labug. I'll have to stop by your thread.

Peace

[~ kd ~]

SBH wrote it in Harrier's thread in piecing. Said he'd start his own, new thread in a bit...

I'm still on the chicken or egg fence. Love is a choice AND love is a feeling. We can love and choose to act on it or we can act in loving ways which brings feelings of love...

but in the end, there is love, or there isn't love... I guess...

[LITB]

I'm still on the chicken or egg fence. Love is a choice AND love is a feeling. We can love and choose to act on it or we can act in loving ways which brings feelings of love...

but in the end, there is love, or there isn't love... I guess...

Now that ^^^^ is hilarious.

Gonna hit some tylenol after reading that a couple of times.

[Sad_but_happy]

Hi guys,

I will start my own thread soon. Yes, I agree that love is a choice. And I agree that we can CHOOSE to stay in the M regardless of our partners actions.

BUT...

You can only do that for so long. You can only feel unloved, unwanted and uncared for so long at which point it becomes survival.

There are no retakes in life. I wanted to make it work with my W but it just wasn't happening. So I want to make sure my life is spent loving AND BEING LOVED!

Yes I am unsure and sad and surviving... I still feel like a LBS.

But I will not allow myself to be controlled by the fear any longer. I'm taking charge of my own happiness because I have learned that no matter how much I wanted things to work, they would only have worked with both of us loving.

Have a wonderful night...

[LITB]

LITB, I hear you loud and clear. It's a tough balance between letting your W miss you and showing your positive changes. I think the best thing you can do is to continue to work toward being your best possible self. When you have contact with your W, keep being positive and upbeat.

I don't think it's your job to teach your W consequences. That being said, you can allow your W to feel the consequences by not buffering her from them. After all, you have your own life to live.

I agree with everything you said JB. KD is right about you having the market cornered on GAL.

I've been asking myself lately if my W is someone I would be interested in dating. The answer to that is IDK. She definitely has the inside track if she indicates she wants to come back.

Here is some irony for you speaking of dating.

There is a beautiful woman that I am very attracted to who works at the bank that I use. She helped me the first couple of times I went in there, however it was early in my sitch.

On Friday I walked in and she offered to help me. So we started with some small talk and then I went for it, because this was my opportunity:

M: I've seen you in here a few times and I think you are very attractive. I'm wondering if you have a boyfriend.

(Bank Teller): Well thank you. I do have a boyfriend.

M: He is a lucky guy.

More small talk about the 9ers game and football. That's the first time I've done that. I've been out of the game for awhile.

Thought I would share, since the following day OM was confirmed.

I really have no business getting involved with anyone with where I am at. Just saw an opportunity and went for it.

[LITB]

Hi guys,

I will start my own thread soon. Yes, I agree that love is a choice. And I agree that we can CHOOSE to stay in the M regardless of our partners actions.

BUT...

You can only do that for so long. You can only feel unloved, unwanted and uncared for so long at which point it becomes survival.

There are no retakes in life. I wanted to make it work with my W but it just wasn't happening. So I want to make sure my life is spent loving AND BEING LOVED!

Yes I am unsure and sad and surviving... I still feel like a LBS.

But I will not allow myself to be controlled by the fear any longer. I'm taking charge of my own happiness because I have learned that no matter how much I wanted things to work, they would only have worked with both of us loving.

Have a wonderful night...

SBH, thanks for stopping by with some clarification on your sitch. I'm sorry to see you hurting.

I completely respect where you are coming from. I will look out for your thread. In the meantime, be well.