Where to next?

[mishka422]

kat, what do you mean give Gabe the chance to man up? I'm not asking anything of him. I own what I've decided is acceptable and enough for me. If I bring up my own insecurities and lay them at his feet then I'm asking for commitments and answers from him. That is not what I want to do. Things are ok the way they are, rocking the boat would only lead to pain and I just can't take more of that.

Michelle - my desire to be secure is sick because it screams of being needy and I just can't be that anymore. I am ultimately responsible for making myself secure and whether he choses to stay or go should not dictate my security. I shouldn't count on anyone else for that. People will leave, I can't leave myself! I don't expect to have 'couple' security but my romantic heart that won't SHUT UP apparently does. I had that once and look what it led to. There is no part of me that is willing to trust like that again.

[kat727]

I mean give him the chance to be what you need him to be. It can't be about him not feeling comfortable with his past choices, so don't bring it up. Let him know that you enjoy having him there and appreciate him. Give him the chance to become a better person.

kat

[mishka422]

Gotcha

[MichelleLT]

Okay, that makes sense to me. And is definitely true!

[whatisis]

In the real world no one is everything their partner wants or expects and neither are you! So only you know where the line is between legitimate expectation and fantasy relationship. My Dad said to me on my wedding day "Son, one day you're gonna roll over in bed, look at that lady beside you and say 'who is this person, she's not the woman I married" Uh, thanks Dad! So, what is compromise and what is settling? Only you can know that for yourself.

[mishka422]

Fantasy R? Never. It hasn't ever met my idea of a fantasy. Expectation? Gave those up a long time ago too. Reality is not great, but life isn't supposed to be is it? I'm slowly coming to grips with the way things are. It may not be the way I used to imagine I wanted things but it is what it is.

[mishka422]

Well, my football picking skills have stunk in the playoffs. I'm now relegated to cheering for the Giants (UGH) in the SB. That really bites, but there is NO WAY I'm pulling for the pansy butt Patriots.

That time of year is coming upon us quickly....V-day. UGH! Why does that bring me anxiety? Does it do that to you too?

[kat727]

Maybe that come from expectations regarding Gabe. You can say before hand, hey I know money is tight, why don't I just cook us our favorite dinner? Or leave it alone, let it be a non-issue or get him something if you want to and just don't expect anything in return. It doesn't have to be an anxiety filled day.

Go Giants!!?? I really don't care since the Chiefs aren't playing but might as well go for the underdog. lol

kat

[MichelleLT]

Even when things were fine with Roger we never made a big deal out of V-day. It is a commercial holiday and an excuse to do the things we should be doing throughout the year for the ones we love.

Do or don't do whatever you won't. With no expectations. And refuse to let it get to you.

[mishka422]

Yeah, I try to just ignore it. Being bombarded by it and the women in my office getting flowers and chocolates and blah blah blah just gets to me. Aggravating!

I know girls, zero expectations. A life without expectations of anyone is difficult. My mom didn't do me any favors in that respect. She 'expected' things to be a certain way, things were to be done a specific way, people were to behave an prescribed way, and if they didn't they didn't need to be in her life. UGH! It rubbed off on me apparently because I find it extremely difficult to just say 'F it! It doesn't matter what they do or say. It doesn't reflect on my worth.' CRUD! I would really like to believe that last statement. Way way way deep down!