Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY

[tenbusrider]

Journaling -

W, S, and I went to MIL's on Sat night for SIL's birthday party. It's a bit of a trek, and for a large stretch of it, W mostly texted with her friend who was on her way to see a concert in another city. We talked, but it was pretty brief and disengaged.

MIL was happy to see me - very unexpected. We talked for a while, played with the kiddos a bit, and took goofy pictures. MIL put one of SIL's plastic tiaras on me and took a picture of that. I left it on for a while, W eventually came up and reached for it. I jerked my head away a little and grinned at her. She grinned back and continued to reach for it. She got it then put it on her head.

At some point, Etta James's death came up. This lead her to put one of her albums on and turned it up loud. "At Last..."

MIL tried to get W and I to dance. W flatly said "no". I'd been doing okay up to that point, and had to take a moment to process that and let it go. She picked S up and danced with him, though, which helped dispel the awkwardness of the situation.

MIL kept S for us that night and would for the following night as well, so it was just us for the ride back to town. We actually talked through most of the trip. It was mostly light conversation. After we got home, I remarked to her how surprised I was that MIL had been so happy to see me. She told me that MIL was supporting both of us, and knew that W was trying to keep things "calm and sane". I was a little confused by that statement, but was still glad to hear that MIL wasn't just blatantly badmouthing me.

I left her to her reading for a while and watched TV in my room. We're smokers, but we go outside to do it. I gone outside a couple of times to smoke before she noticed, then told me that she'd been waiting on me to go herself.

W worked on Sunday. I went to Church and tithed on my own for the first time in my adult life. W had tithed for me before, but this was the first time I'd decided it was important to do, despite our current financial burdens. I went to see my mom for a bit after church, then went home and took a nap. I did the dishes after waking up, then went to visit my dad in the hospital.

I got home about a half hour before W. When she came home, we had more light-hearted discussion before it turned to a talk about spirituality. This has been an area where there's been lots of disconnect between us in the past. This time, I stayed engaged, maintained eye contact, asked questions and posed my own ideas, while also validating her views and thoughts. After a few minutes of this, I told her I'd leave her to her reading and walked away. She thanked me as I moved away. I came back through a moment later to get something, and she started talking again, continuing the previous discussion. I stayed engaged with her until she was done and let the conversation end as naturally as possible so we could move on about what we were doing.

We watched The Hangover Part II after dinner was ready. A bad storm rolled through as the movie was ending, and she began getting a bit nervous about S. I texted BIL, who was with him, and was told that S was fine and they were keeping an eye on the weather. I relayed this to her, and she seemed to relax a bit, though now she seemed on edge where she hadn't been before. Not sure what to make of that, if anything.

We went to bed after the storm sirens quietened down and the imminent danger passed.

I'm now finding myself having a harder time with the complete lack of physical interaction. I'm very much attracted to her, always have been. When I visualize her, it's kind of like being punched in the stomach. It only serves to make me feel more lonely than before, but I'm keeping it together. Hoping I don't struggle too much trying to detach.

Other than that, I think we had a pretty good time. It went much better than I was expecting!

Sidenote: Wish I didn't have to wait so long for my posts to be approved!