Weekend was ok. Spent lots of time watching TV with H. (I've seriously got to get a bigger TV in the bedroom) I know I need to detach, but don't want to seem like I'm moping in my room either.
He's being extra nice (cooked dinner Friday night, bought my favorite snacks to ride out the ice storm this weekend, and helped me clean my car off after the storm Saturday morning). We've had some good laughs together, but everything seems superficial. I'm probably over analyzing again, but that's what I do - to myself anyway. We were both in our separate corners (me on our small couch, he on the long one), and mine was extremely uncomfortable. He told me to come sit beside him so I could be comfortable. We both fell asleep. No cuddling, but it did seem like old times. We used to spazz on this couch all the time.
He's still sleeping on the couch at night. Is it crazy that even though we haven't been intimate in MONTHS, I want him even more now? (Maybe because I found out he's giving it to someone else? Which makes me dislike myself even more for how I've treated him.)
Had a rough morning today. Couldn't stop crying while I was getting dressed. The grief seems to hit me when I least expect it. I managed to get myself together, but whew...for a few moments I just wanted to crawl back into bed.
My sister and brother are coming up for the weekend on Friday. Not sure how this will play out. We haven't told any of the family yet, so hopefully he won't choose this weekend to feel we need to do so. Not sure I can handle it yet.
