Living in the trenches....Thread #5

[workinghardguy]

I think that if I pull back and she catches on to it she is just going to resent me for it and it would make it easier for her to leave. I can't be around her and ignore her. Honestly, I think it may take something drastic, (like me telling her if she's really that unhappy she should leave) but that's pretty scary and has a chance of blowing up in my face.

Navy... you remind me of me two months ago... so terrified of divorce, and particularly of how it will effect the kids that you'll do and put up with almost anything to stave off divorce. Now... I'm heading right towards divorce and my W is moving out in a few weeks time, so what I'm going to say here should be viewed in that light. BUT...

placating and making my W's life easier didn't earn me anything. I don't know if it hurt things or not... but it didn't stop the eventuality of it. It did hurt me more. It did cause me incredible pain and grief.

The other thing I can tell you is that the mental construct I had made of what divorce and telling the kids would look like was nothing like it really was. Now, we haven't moved apart yet... and it's not exactly Disneyland here, but it's not the dungeons of the Spanish Inquisition either. Yes, the kids are hurting. Yes, my five year old son is having challenges processing it. But you know what? At least it's out there and we can talk about it. No longer am I showing the kids that a marriage is where two people don't talk, don't touch, and don't interact.

So I'm not saying run towards the divorce switch... but I am saying don't be terrified of it. Yes, the standard of living will change. But perhaps that needs to be part of it. The kids will be effected by a D, but they don't have to be destroyed by it. That's up to how the parents choose to deal with it.