H has been away on business since Friday morning and is supposed to come back tonight. My sister is visiting until Thursday, and it's been nice having family support. My sister knows about my sitch and it felt really good to vent and voice my frustration about H.
S4, sister and I went to a Disney on Ice show on Saturday and S4 really liked it. H texted to ask what time the show was and he said he was "just curious". H called quickly Sat morning to say hi to S4 and said that he wouldn't be able to call later as he'd be out visiting family as well. H didn't call yesterday either. He can't find 2 minutes to call and say hi to his son, but he CAN be on facebook half the day (he told me via facebook that he won't be able to call). Nice!
Yesterday was uneventful. Sister's friend was vising her from out of state, so she was out half the. We wanted to have a girls night out and MIL was to watch S4. Sister got back later than planned and I was too tired and not really in the mood. We thought about driving down to Boston, but I didn't want to anymore. I felt really down and was fighting tears. Since MIL was there already, I thought we should at least get some food even though I was not really hungry. We ended up going to a local bar and had some beers and apps. We ended up having a good time and it felt nice to spend quality time with my sister, especially since I don't know when I'll see her again.
I've been doing some reading on divorce law and such in my state. The cost of divorce scares me, but unless both parties agree on everything, getting a lawyer is probably inevitable and better for my interest. Right now, H wants 50/50 custody and according to his current budget, he thinks all he'll have to pay is half of the daycare cost. Ha! He's in for a shock! I have been giving more thought about life without H. It hurts like hell, but I know it's possible. Thinking about what to do with sentimental items, photos of us together, etc.
I've also been obsessing with OW more than I should. The other day, facebook suggested her as a friend. I think I gagged. I've also been checking the phone usage like crazy. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. Even though there was nothing on the phone bill, I know that they communicate via facebook. Ugh!
H is supposed to come home late tonight. I don't know what to expect. Maybe he had some time to think about how to get away from S4 and I, how he felt comfortable being away and didn't have a need to call.
While I'm still in my low, I do find it helpful to come back to this forum. I seem to have many derailing thoughts lately. It helps me "get back on track". Back to acting tonight, huh?
