I can only speak on counseling and agree with Navy. This will take time. Like DB, probably more time than you expect. It could take six or more sessions just for your W to get to a space where she's "dumped" all her baggage.
Again, as Navy suggests, this may be very tough for you to maintain your patience, but I feel it is important to let the counselor work with your W. If you are asked how you feel about something your W says, you certainly can say that you understand your W feels that way, although you remember it differently. Agree to disagree at most, for now.
The counselor may engage you now, or later. It may be helpful for you to address any concerns or issues directly at the counselor, rather than your W. Think of the counselor as the mediator. If it's positive stuff, direct it at your W. If it's negative stuff, direct it at the counselor.
