Twilight zone...

[Redo]

Hey All:

Thanks so much for your feedback.

Navy, I am now in your place. And i agree, this is a very hard part...

Journaling.

Yesterday we had our second session with the counselor. Last week was mostly okay. I did find that wife was aloof on the phone. So i pushed her to tell me if everything was okay. I guess i opened the flood gates. Apparently she is having a hard time at her parents' home. Also her sister is now pregnant. I am sure that adds something to this mix.

For the most part i listened to her. Validated her. Two important things i have learnt here. I tried to keep myself of the equation. It helped her a lot. She thanked me for listening to her.

Yesterday was good too. She arrived during lunch time. We went to lunch. Talked. Then had a walk in a park before going the counselor. Our topics range from gossiping about our friends, talking politics, daughter's antics to R stuff. I think both handled things quite okay.

During the session though we did have some arguments. Mostly because wife kept saying that our separation was not that bad because she was 'very' reasonable. I did not see it that way. If you know my sitch, i was foolish back then, not using a lawyer and found out that wife wanted full custody of daughter, that she had no qualms for asking even for share of my bonuses at work. The worse part was that when she came to the house to take her and daughter's stuff, she left no memory of daughter at all. Everything and i mean everything that ever belong to daughter was taken away, including photos. While i have forgiven and tried to forget most of those events, i did not want her to assume that everything was just 'okay'. I wanted her to in the least acknowledge that what she did was hurtful.

But the moment i said that, she got upset and started saying how i hurt her in the past. Then she said how i did not show up to daughter's b-day last year. She filed for D on Jan-3rd. I came back to the US on Jan-22nd. Daughter's B-day was on Feb-2nd. At that time i was in mental condition to even get out of the house. Let alone drive 3 hours to wife's place, face her family. I did not want my daughter to see me in that condition. So i did not go. It hurt like hell when she that on me knowing very well what i was going through at that time.

I am not sure what happened next because somehow the convo got shifted to how she feels so crappy because everyone, including her parents put her down. So before you know it the entire session became about how she should work on herself.

Somehow after the session our drive was okay. We cracked some jokes. I even offered a hug before she left. I called regularly as she was driving to make sure was did not fall asleep. Kept calling until she reached her home to make sure she was okay.

However this morning i woke up with a very uneasy feeling. Uneasy because i felt that somehow my wife feels that whatever she did last year was fully justified or that she deserves to lash out because she has been so wronged. What hurts a lot is that she never acknowledged even once about what she did in feb last year. She said a lot of hurtful things. I dont expect an apology. Just an acknowledgment. It would provide some closure for me. I am now thinking about bringing this topic up in our next session. One part of me says to just forget it. Other says that i have to bring it up. because tha past me would have tried to forget it. But it would have pestered inside and i would end up resenting her. I dont want to do that anymore. I just want to bring it up so i can get some kind of closure. Somehow i am sure that she's gonna fly off the handle when i do. But i am tired living a life walking on eggshells. If she cannot handle this with some understanding, then our R cannot survive for long.

I would love to hear what you veterans out there think. Should i bring up this topic of her never acknowledging, during the session. Or is it better if i just bury this topic.