I'm sorry you have to find yourself here, but it is the best place to get the support you truly need right now. You're right, we have many things in common. In a way, it's scary to find out how similar people's reactions are when we think that everyone is "different", but at the same time, we can give each other support and learn from each other.
I'm still fairly new to this, about 2 months since the bomb dropped. I have tried to understand where H was coming from, but never truly did until last week. I didn't think there was OW, but I found out there is. OW is H's 21 year old co-worker who "gets him". I'm still trying to come to terms with that, but it's not easy. My H seems addicted to his phone and facebook and is very secretive about it, but I know that he is messaging OW. My H is blaming me for everything that has gone wrong in our 13 years together, coming up with the most ridiculous examples. Come to find out, he's only trying to justify his actions. While I do take responsibility for things that I had done/not done that may have "pushed him away", as he says, I have learned not to take full blame for everything. No matter what problems one might be having in a R, they need to get help before giving up, and especially before running into the arms of another person.
This is likely the most difficult time that you'll ever have to go through. I can completely relate to your hurt. You feel like your world is crashing down and it all seems like a very bad dream. This will be a long journey, a terrible emotional roller coaster. If you truly want to save your marriage, it will test your patience and you will learn a great deal about yourself. Read the 37 rules over and over. I still have to go back and re-read. "Do not believe what he says, and only half of what he does." Do not try to pursue your H and learn to be calm. If you have anger built up and you feel like screaming, yelling, confronting your H, come here instead and vent. We will listen and commiserate with you.
Now is the time to "detach" (the hardest thing to do, IMHO) and think about yourself and the girls. No matter the outcome, you will need to move on. Do things for you. Hold your head high and be composed. Learn to act "happy" in front of H (another hard thing to do for me - turns out I'm not great at acting, especially when your heart is breaking into a million pieces).
I hope you made it through the weekend ok! Tell us what you did? Did you have contact with H? How did you handle it?
