I agree that we don't know the results of any one path we choose but we must pick a path. I don't know what else I can do at this point. What suggestions would you have me do?
Understand that I am not a professional counselor, therapist, nor life coach. I have a background and experience that I draw from and that is all.
I am getting a sense that you are moving into a deeper stage of grief or possibly acceptance and this could be very helpful in your search to find the words for your letter. This is as much a therapeutic exercise for you.
I may have another thought on this as you work on this, and before the letter is sent off, I'd like to discuss it with you. Just to be clear on that. I think I may have said write it and send it, and if so, I've changed my mind.
There is a concept called "first day, last day". As is obvious, this is two fold that consists of:
first day - Imagine this is the first day you have been alive. You have past to draw on which includes no positive, but more importantly, no negative. You are seeing the world for the very first time, like through the eyes of a child.
No, transpose that to your W. Do your best to see your W as someone you have only just met. Picture her in your mind and what do you see? What beauty does she posses? Dig into her inner beauty, not just her outer beauty. What is it that draws you to her? Why do you love her?
This is the focus for your context.
last day - as today is the first day, and the world is amazing and wonderful, also imagine this is the very last day you have on this earth. THERE IS NO TOMORROW.
This is an old concept of keeping people in the present. There is no guarantee that we will wake up tomorrow morning. Some people have this reality to deal with... most of us are blissfully oblivious of this possible reality.
If this were the very last day you had on earth (or just as easily, the last day your W had on this earth), what would you do with her? What would you say to her?
Imagine how you would miss her... her smell... the sound of her voice... her touch... how you feel when you are with her...
What do you really want her to know?
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Does that help you to get started?
Please ask questions and I will help you through this, but these are your words and these are your feelings and this is a letter that you need to write as it needs to be absolutely genuine and true to who you are... or who you would like to be... if you know what you have done "wrong", let her know... if you know what you would do "better", let her know...
And keep me posted on your progress. Keep the letter to two or less, double spaced pages.
Take some time to really get into the first day / last day frame. Some will meditate over it, or pray over it as you may. Feel the weight and gravity of the last day... really feel the joy and wonder of first day...
And once you have had the time to dwell on that... begin writing your last letter to your sweetheart...
