I am glad you mentioned at the end of your post that you ordered DR. Aside from what you have possibly read on this board, there will be a lot of information and tools to help you in your sitch.
While you wait, one of the things that could be very helpful is disengaging in R talk. You've indicated you've recognized this, so now is time to implement this enlightenment.
Also, your pastor is a smart man and you did well to heed his suggestion. We must own our responsibility 100%, even though your W may or may not own her responsibility 100%.
You are at a point that many here would love to be at. Your W moved back in and is indicating she will work on some of her responsibility (even though it is currently her medical condition; that will at least help remove that as an excuse or reason).
Take a deep breath. No matter what happens (good or bad), this is very often a long, hard road.
We talk about emotionally detaching yourself from the "roller coaster". That does not mean stop loving your W. It means stop reacting, especially to negative feedback from your W. What ever that takes and may look like for you, such as saying you need to think about what she said and physically remove yourself from the conversation, to being strong and simply validating your W's feelings or thoughts, even if you may disagree.
That are some of the things you can begin with.
Also, think about some of the things that you would like to change in yourself to make yourself a better person. You may be a fantastic person, but we can always improve. So what negative things could you get rid of and what positive things could you make better?
