W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P2

[Snowman]

that^^ was Not clear to me. I thought you did not want the divorce. I understand you have been fighting for 2 years, and nothing improved and sounds as if nothing new was tried...or changed...

I don't want a divorce. New things were tried and I have changed. I sort of went in waves at first when trying DB but I have done things to change. I'm still working on me and will continue to do so.

But DBing is relatively new to you...and it's a simple but radically different approach to marital problems. It's not about the past or the baggage, but how to fix things "from this day forward." it's solution based therapeutic approach to problems you have NOW.

Yes, I know this.

My h and I had seen 4 mc's...literally, before DBing began on my end. ALL of them told me h was "acting single/selfish" "as if he had no family to consider" "as if he wanted ME to file", etc.

H said I had "brainwashed all of them" b/c I am a L and speak persuasively. He refused to go anymore so it did me NO good to have them all agree with me.

NOT One told me what to do or how to improve things...it was all about being "stuck with a selfish h" like I was RIGHT BUT POWERLESS...


then I got into DBing and found a pro=m mc and I CHANGED...and then WE changed...

NOT saying it works for all. It does not.

I know it does no good to have everyone agree with me. I have learned that just like you did. I also had found a pro-M MC but she didn't want to go.

Nor do I think that's the only option you have. But since you sound resolute, I'll drop it.

What other options do you think I have?

That's true of most of us. But you struck me and a few others in a similar way. Try not to blow it off b/c it annoys you; try hard to use it FOR your growth. We're not professionals.

But we see things and tell it like we see it HERE, from what YOU, the poster here posting, writes to us...that's all we can do.

I will use it for growth. I know you can only see what you get from the posts which is sometimes frustrating as I feel like I have been painted as a worse person than I am. Most people know me as the meek and humble person of the group but that doesn't really come across in this forum because a lot has been frustration and anger which I know. I always wanted whats best for my W and be the best husband/father I could be. I'm not perfect and I'm working on it.

Can't see how it would hurt. But I don't know the contents of the letter so I'm going by my assumption that KD is suggesting a constructive tone and content.

Crimson wrote one to his w and they are now going to see a mc to "process" it. So it sure didn't hurt his cause.

I would not write a scathing letter or any other kind of negative letter.

FWIW Snowman, letter writing is not something that is often recommended as it is seen as pursuing. And as I believe you understand, this letter would in no way be to win her back nor to pursue nor persuade her.

I know it is not to win her back.

One thing that I see a lot of here and otherwise is the complete belief that BECAUSE we did something and DID NOT do something else, those things were the reasons for success or failure.

The reality is, when we set on a path from point A to point B, we will never know the experience nor results of any other path we COULD have chosen.

If there are 100 paths, 100 of them could lead to failure or 100 of them could lead to success. Do or don't do. And if you feel you have done EVERYTHING you could have done, or more likely everything that you are prepared to do and you are ready to throw in the towel... that too is a choice and it is up to you whether the result is success or failure... for you...

I agree that we don't know the results of any one path we choose but we must pick a path. I don't know what else I can do at this point. What suggestions would you have me do?