I'm finding that detachment, and making sure not to mind read is as much a constant challenge when the R is on a possible upswing, as much as when it was being bombed.
I pray for strength around the clock!
good for you Rick. And at times I prayed hourly, out loud if I could...somehow thinking it, saying it and hearing it, helped it sink in. I had about 5 "mantras" to help me stay calm, including a simple
"turning it over to God" one that probably helped me the most.
Funny but I didn't think my 2 x 4 was THAT blunt....but I am direct. And it is what helped ME the most b/c when I was in your shoes,
(not exactly, I know)
I was so angry that my anger consumed ME...and hurt my r's with the kids, who deserved better. There were some posters here who snapped me out of it with direct wording that I mostly responded to.
It's what helped ME more than others agreeing that my h was being selfish (Which was also what the first 3 mc's we saw, said. True, they validated my feelings but did nothing to help our problems).
That's why I love this solution based approach...
Learning how to let go of anger, and let go of things I can't control in general
was a breakthrough for me and my life.
Learning to forgive (which I NEVER saw my parents do til my dad was dying)
was also a learned skill. And a process that follows a series of choices to forgive...
I wish you the best, but know that "piecing" is -as Jack3beans says,- a "life long process"...
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Purg - we got home from the Pats game both emotionally exhausted but what a sweet victory...now we head to the SB to get our revenge on the hated Giants!
BTW I had to DB so much at the game....so many pre bomb memories were surfacing and I spent so many moments swallowing my emotions, acting "as if", and really resisting thd urge to temp check our M.
I was so wanting the prebomb days of sharing a room....not for a physical encounter...but just the simple joy of hearing her breath in the night.
Thank god I can talk and vent to you guys...prayer works for strength...but I need someone to talk to when I feel this way...and in her current state of healing...it can't be her.
Here I was in the midst of 70,000 insanely happy fans and next to my W and. no one new the inner torment I was feeling.
nonetheless I'm not blind to the fact that we can do these dates...and she is healing
LAbug - I think she's probably aware of my and our M changes but I'm sure she is being extremely cautious. Because she is making major breakthroughs in her psychiatric program she has so much to process. I know she has to figure herself out first...then figure our M out. Long haul here...
I'm glad something I said helped Kolja. How are you doing?
Not bad - ill go update my thread so as not to thread jack here!
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
