CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE!

[MynameisMZ]

It surely is an individual decision and no two sitches are alike really. I agree that you have to set your goals, outline your "campaign" startegies as 25 suggests.

FWIW, in my sitch, I ignored all signs of an A for months. I then went into denial about it and it went on and on; first as an EA, then into a PA really over a 2 year period.

I started to confront it and he denied it was PA, but did to an EA and vowed to stop. He also confessed to me that he put the move on ow 6 months prior and she rebuffed him.

My suspicions grew and I started to snoop. I snooped because I came to a decision for MYSELF that I could not live a lie and I needed to know. I found evidence because he let me see the cell phone records. 3000 contacts each month with her and maybe 20 to me. Why did he give me the password?

Long story short, I did confront them. They of course denied it. Their agreement was to deny, deny, deny at all costs.

After the confrontation H continued to only admit to an EA. So, I requested he tell his best friend at work about it. Why did I do that? Because I made a decision for MYSELF that I was not going to be a doormat. The light needed to shine on them and they needed to be exposed. See, I believe that A can only exists in the darkness and secrecy and I was not prepared to be a part of that. That's just who I am.

I know I am not someone who can look the other way. Another thing I did was to issue a LRT right away. I don't necessarily advise others to do this because it is a very individual decision. I just told him that if it had not become physical, I didn't understand that (knowing my H's sex drive)and that maybe he should leave and go to her and see if that is what he wanted. He didn't leave. Six weeks later he left his "secret" e-mail open and I found all the chats. I then knew it had been physical and we hit rock bottom.

Yes, the ow called me crazy, and she did and said a lot of very evil and mean things. And yes, my H did move towards her for about a month. It had to play itself out and I am convinced I had no control over that. It was a very painful time.

But the ball was set in motion and it did lose its shine. My confrontation was a catalyst for change. The A died a painful and slow death. My H continued to be in a fog for quite some time. I can tell you now, 19 months after the exposure, that we are very happy, very much in love again, and look at that whole thing as a tragedy that happened to our M.
We've been rebuilding us ever since.

My H and I talk frequently about my "interventions" and how they were instrumental in getting him out of her clutches.